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In this episode of Wellbeing Interrupted, I sit down with Jessica Graham, a trauma resolution guide, meditation teacher, and author of the newly released book Being (Sick) Enough: Thoughts on Invisible Illness, Childhood Trauma, and Living Well When Surviving is Hard. Jess’s journey isn’t just about living with health challenges but about embracing vulnerability, finding resilience, and helping others heal along the way. 

Through their experiences, Jess offers invaluable insights into navigating chronic illness, healing from trauma, and creating a life rooted in curiosity and self-compassion. 

 

Invisible Illness and the Power of Self-Advocacy 

 

 

Living with multiple chronic conditions, including fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s, and interstitial cystitis, has shaped every aspect of Jess’s life. They discussed how learning to advocate for themselves and setting boundaries became essential tools for managing their health. Jess also reflected on how early life experiences with dismissive responses to their symptoms shaped their journey toward self-acceptance. 

The conversation highlighted the connection between trauma, chronic illness, and how the nervous system processes these experiences. This understanding has been a critical part of Jess’s healing. 

 

Grieving the Life You Envisioned 

 

For many living with chronic illness, grieving the life you thought you’d have is a significant part of the journey. Jess shared how they slowly came to terms with letting go of certain dreams and redirected their energy toward finding peace and joy. This process involved dismantling unhealthy relationships and creating space to rebuild in ways that supported their well-being. 

Their journey is a reminder that grief is not something to avoid but something to move through, allowing space for new possibilities and acceptance. 

  

Finding Joy in Small Moments 

 

Jess emphasised how powerful it can be to find joy in the small moments of life, even during difficult times. Whether it’s appreciating sunlight streaming through a window or savouring a favourite activity, these small acts of noticing and gratitude can ground and uplift us. 

What stood out most in this conversation was Jess’s focus on curiosity and finding small joys. These messages are powerful reminders to stay open to the world around us and embrace the beauty in even the simplest experiences. 

 

Helping Others Heal from Trauma 

 

In addition to their personal journey, Jess works as a trauma resolution guide, specialising in complex PTSD and post-traumatic growth. Using techniques like somatic practices and brain spotting, they help others process trauma and reconnect with themselves. Their work is rooted in compassion and aims to meet clients where they are, offering personalised support on their healing journeys. 

Jess’s experiences with their own healing have deeply informed their ability to guide others. This work is a testament to how lived experience can inspire and empower others to navigate their paths. 

 

Connect With Jessica Graham 

 

If you’d like to learn more about Jess’s work or get a copy of their book, visit jessicagraham.com. You’ll find links to Being (Sick) Enough, details on their trauma resolution services, and more. 

 

Final Thoughts 

 

Jessica Graham’s journey highlights the importance of curiosity, resilience, and finding meaning through life’s challenges. Their story offers encouragement for anyone navigating chronic illness or trauma, reminding us that healing is possible and joy can be found in even the hardest moments. 

Thank you for joining me on this episode of Wellbeing Interrupted. If you enjoyed this conversation, don’t forget to explore past episodes, and as always, take care of yourself and those around you. 

 

Show Resources

 

• Jessica’s Website: Visit jessicagraham.com for more about Jess’s book and trauma resolution services. 
• Get the Book: Find Being (Sick) Enough wherever books are sold. 
• Episode 47 Hurdle2Hope®️ Stories: Meet Ronni Morgan Living with hEDS 

 

 

Transcript Episode 54

[00:00:00]

Teisha Rose: Hi there,Teisha here, and welcome to episode 54 of Wellbeing Interrupted, a very hot week here in Daisy Hill. So it's been, yeah, we've spent a lot of time in the caravan with the air conditioning on. But that's okay. Um, we're, we're getting through it and I keep reminding myself next year it won't be like this and the evenings are beautiful.

So we do get out and have a nice walk and count the kangaroos every night. Today I've got another amazing guest. I'm chatting to Jessica Graham and Jessica known as Jess is a trauma resolution guide specializing in complex PTSD and post traumatic growth. Jess is also a meditation teacher, sex, relationship and spiritual guide for couples and individuals.

Why I am [00:01:00] having Jess on the show today is that they just published a book, Being Sick Enough, Thoughts on Invisible Illness, Childhood Trauma, and Living Well When Surviving Is Hard.

And what I love about these conversations is I also learn so much and it's really. Fascinating for me, listening to how others are approaching life with their illnesses.

So I hope you enjoy this episode.

 [00:02:00] So Jess. Thank you so much for being a guest on Wellbeing Interrupted. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad to be here. You're welcome. And there's so much for us to chat about today, but I guess to start with, You're living in Los Angeles, and we in Australia, I'm in Australia, um, have seen the devastating footage of what you as a city are going through in a community.

So, yeah, has that impacted you? Um,

Jessica Graham: Yes, I've definitely been, um, in a I'm in a better situation than many of [00:03:00] my friends. I still have my home. I still have my possessions. Um, I have a lot of friends who who lost everything. Um, for me, the greatest impact was is the air. Um, and then the stress of that. Period of time where we just didn't know I, I was basically in a ring of fire, like in a red flag zone waiting to see if I would be evacuated.

Um, and so, but between the air and the stress, my body really took a hit. Um, and. Even though I wasn't up for a two hour, two and a half hour drive, I knew I needed to get out of Los Angeles because more winds were coming and I was just like, my body can't do this. So I headed out to Joshua tree and, um, you know, just worked from there.

Released my, had my book, my online book launched because I canceled the in person stuff. And, uh, yeah, I'm back in LA now [00:04:00] and just needing to be masked if I'm outside and keeping my air purifier running and And then we'll see. We'll see. I mean, uh, see what happens next week. 2025 is off to a wild start.

Teisha Rose: A hundred percent.

It's, it's scary, you know, um, and the impact, as I said, in Australia, we know the devastation and then goes the aftermath of the rebuild and what that means for people. So it's like the start of the big unknown.

Jessica Graham: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's been interesting because, uh, In 1994 and then again in 1995, same day, same time.

I experienced fires. Um, the first one I was in the house and was like woken up and we, um, lost a big chunk of the house and people who lived on the other side of the house died. We were unable to save them. My, my mother and I tried, um, and then a year later, [00:05:00] same, same day, same time. There was a fire in my father's apartment building, which luckily we weren't there.

People died in that one as well. And like, I lost a lot of kind of sentimental belongings in that fire. So it's been interesting to see how my nervous system is responding to this threat of fire. Like, I think some people think I was like being overly prepared, but I was like, no, I have my car packed with all of the things that I kind of can't live without.

Yeah. Um, And I was like, I'd rather have them here in my car than like worst case scenario. Oh, I got to bring them back in the house. Okay. So I think because I went through those experiences when I was younger, um, I take it very seriously.

Teisha Rose: Yeah. Good on you. And that's what, I mean, we're told to have a fire plan, you know, so you know what to do and you can just get out of there.

So that's great. And you touched on and why. Um, we're connecting today [00:06:00] is you have just launched a book, Being Sick, in brackets, Enough. Love the title. And yeah, really sorry that that in person launch wasn't able to happen, but you've got an amazing book. And I think it's really, you know, I'm very happy for us to speak about it, chat about it, and get people to purchase your book.

So can I ask, what inspired you to write Being Sick Enough? So people can get to know you a little bit, and then we'll drill down and get to know you even more.

Jessica Graham: Yeah, yeah. Uh, well, I was always told from the time I was really young that I was a writer because I was always journaling, but I'd always be like, No, I'm not a writer.

I'm not a writer. I'm, I'm an actor. And people would also say, You should definitely be a therapist. I'm like, No, I don't want to be a therapist. I'm, I'm an actor. And interestingly, now I'm an author and a trauma resolution specialist. So it's like, [00:07:00] somehow, that's what happened. That's what happened. The world wanted from me.

Um, I still act and do other things. But, so, I never really had a plan to be an author, to write books. Um, and a lot of my writing, it was just for me. Uh, I didn't go to school, so I didn't have to write, like, papers for school or anything like that ever. It was all just my own thing. And then, in I guess it was around, uh, 2010, my friend Michael Taft asked me to start writing for his meditation blog, Deconstructing Yourself, and like, the very first article I wrote was like, all about how I was using meditation To get through the anxiety and fear of writing the article because it brought up a lot.

It brought up a lot, like, a lot of feelings of not good enough and who wants to hear what I have to say and just all of this sort of stuff. But I put that out and it did well, and then I started writing more for the [00:08:00] blog and ultimately did my mindful sex series, which is what led to a publisher reaching out.

For me to write a book and when people say, Hey, can I pick your brain about like becoming a published author? I'm like, not really. I didn't do the normal things. I don't think like they just like contacted me and honestly, I wouldn't have ever written the book if they didn't give me money. And then I felt obligated to write it like to be to be honest.

Um, so that first book, like, kind of, that's good sex getting off without checking out. That one was just like, okay, I guess this is happening. Yeah. The second book, um, uh, Being Sick Enough, so I started thinking about writing a book related to trauma and chronic illness, uh, around the time that Good Sex came out because I was in the midst of Finally, coming to terms with how [00:09:00] sick I was.

Uh, I had been in a lot of denial. Um, I drank for many years and done drugs from like a young age so that it kind of masked a lot of the symptoms. Uh, but I was at this point where I was sober and I was My body was kind of starting to not function. I was in and out of hospital and urgent care and stuff and, um, I learned that adverse childhood experiences can lead to all of these things.

And it was mind blowing for me because I knew it, like, I assumed, like, my belief was, yes, of course, this tough childhood led to how my body is now, but to see the science and to really, like, be able to see, oh, no, this is actually, like, been proven, uh, was really transformative for me, and it started me on this journey of Getting really passionate about these themes and I [00:10:00] shared with my publisher back then, uh, in like 2017.

Hey, I'm kind of thinking about this book, trauma, chronic illness. And they're like, yeah, definitely. But then I was not ready to write it. I had like. Some pretty dark times to go through. Um, I had an abusive relationship to get out of. I had a relationship with my mother that needed to be completely, uh, dismantled and, and, and happy to say rebuilding at this point, but I needed, like, all the space from the people that either had originally caused the wounds or were hurt.

triggering the wounds every day through how they treated me. And so I had to get on the other side of all of that before I could even consider writing this book. And then, um, when I approached the publisher to write it, I was actually going to [00:11:00] write another, like, self help book. And they championed me after reading a little bit of my, like, Creative nonfiction and poetry, they championed me to do this book of essays and poems instead, and it was, it took me about 24 hours to even get back to them because I couldn't believe it.

Like, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to get to do this. Like, because self help is not the most fun thing in the world to write. But essays and poems that are just like pouring from me and like my experience, that's, that, that turns me on. I'm into that. And that's like the direction I want to go generally with with my writing is in a more creative direction.

So, yeah, so it was enough healing. Happened, enough resolution occurred, and I had had some, uh, significant improvements on my, with my health, which allowed for me to feel ready to do this as well.

Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's [00:12:00] great. And it's fantastic that you were given the space to be creative, you know, because that's the way, the powerful way you can share your story.

So, and Lots of people listening are either living with an illness or health condition, or someone they support, love, are living with something. So can we just talk about as well, sort of what type of chronic illnesses, um, were you navigating? Um, and then we'll talk about your experience of having invisible illnesses.

Jessica Graham: Yeah. Yeah. Um, first I just wanted to say, I can't remember exactly what the first question is, but there's something I feel like I left out, which is that I told you about how I ended up writing the book and when I was ready to write the book, but ultimately the point of the book

Teisha Rose: is

Jessica Graham: so [00:13:00] that there's people that maybe feel less alone.

Like, that's really the point. And while I was writing it, That was what the motivation to, to write each day was. It's like, even if there's just a small amount of people that like this book and that get something out of it and that feel seen and heard and understood, then that's, that's the reason for it.

Otherwise, you know, I, I wouldn't have been able to sit there and write it. Like it needed to have a higher purpose, you know, so I just wanted to add that in. Yeah,

Teisha Rose: that's great. And that's very aligned with what we're doing here in At Well Being Interrupted. It's to, for people to know that no matter where we're living, we have this shared experience.

Um, so yeah, so I'm glad you added that in.

Jessica Graham: Yeah, yeah. Um, So, okay. So, I mean, I'll give you the list.

Teisha Rose: I know. And look, I'm, I've had discussion on my last episode with the guest is, [00:14:00] you know, we're not really, we don't want to be just a sum of our labels at all, but I think it's sometimes, you know, and I, I challenged myself with this a lot saying, yeah, I've got MS, yeah, I've got, you know, cancer, whatever.

Um, but yeah, we can just talk about that generally. Um, and. Yeah, just mainly your response is the most important thing, and so we'll talk about that after.

Jessica Graham: Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I, I was always a somewhat, like, sickly kid, and I always responded. Very, uh, in a very intense way to the pain. So, you know, I could get my arm, you know, yanked by my sister and then I it would hurt for weeks and everyone would be like, no, it doesn't or like I broke an ankle and then like for.

For years after I'd be like, be careful of my broken ankle and everyone would be like, what are you, why are, why? That was two years ago. But for me, the way my, [00:15:00] um, my brain, my nervous system, those pain receptors work is like, it's very different, you know, um, from the rest of the people that I was around.

And so. That is I manifest very classic fibromyalgia symptoms, and I am diagnosed with it But there's other things going on as well, and you know there's so much overlap with all of this stuff But I do have Hashimoto's and I have Chronic Tick borne illness, uh, and then there's all of the, like, IBS and chronic gastritis and interstitial cystitis and chronic migraine and chronic tension headache, all these things, which are they on their own?

Or are they part of these other things? Um, you know, my stomach is what. His, my stomach is what put me in the most [00:16:00] danger. Kidneys put me in the most danger a couple times because of just like chronic urinary tract issues. Um, and currently I'm, I got very, very sick over the summer. Um, I was feeling so much better than I really ever had because I found that I had a gene variant and I started supplementing for it and I was feeling so well that I kind of.

Forgot that I can't really do things that other people do and I was like going out dancing, which I love But I was going out dancing without wearing a mask and you know, I ended up I ended up ultimately with like seven infections of different kinds and in the ER and so that was in July and since then I really haven't quite been able to get back up on my feet and I have a whole new set of doctors I need to go see now they, they found something going on with my heart so I got to see a cardiologist and the lungs and [00:17:00] blah blah blah so it's like there's going to be a whole new round of diagnoses probably within the next couple months and we'll see what happens.

Teisha Rose: And that's exhausting. Do you find, like, the exhaustion of that?

Jessica Graham: I do. Uh, I do. Uh, I try to, I try to give myself grace as far as not rushing if it's not urgent. So, I talk to enough doctors regarding what they saw with my heart, and they're like, Yes, you need to see a cardiologist, but you're not gonna, like, You know, you're not going to drop dead tomorrow like it's okay.

Um, and so I didn't rush off and get the cardiologist. I just Or, you know, a few other specialists I'm going to be seeing. I tend to take breaks. I pause and I'm like, if something's urgent and acute, I will address it right away. But I don't like to overwhelm myself with so many appointments because, you know, [00:18:00] not only.

Am I dealing with who knows how I'll feel any given day, but then the combination of autism and ADHD, it's like, um, it, it takes a lot of energy to do things that. I think if you're not chronically ill or not neurodivergent, it's sort of hard to understand why it would be so hard to do. I do it, but I give myself space.

And I also was taking care of myself from a very young age, like finding my own doctors and dentists at like 15. And like, I was on my own. And so, um, I've been doing it for so many years. So sometimes I just take breaks, not to the point where I'm causing damage, but just. I

Teisha Rose: think that's a great approach when you're living with something.

Because you do, you get bombarded by all different symptoms and all the just pausing. I think that's really smart to do. And early [00:19:00] on, and a lot of people will identify this, how did it make you feel when, you know, you're living with these invisible illnesses and no one recognizes that or recognizes and acknowledges what you're going through?

Jessica Graham: Yeah. I mean, you know, when I was little and when I was young, um, and even a teenager and in my twenties, um,

the fact that others minimized or dismissed my symptoms, uh, Worked just fine for me because I, uh, you know, did the same thing to myself. Um, and I probably felt more comfortable to be around people who would mirror that same thing back to me. Um, I've been working on, like, My mental health and my [00:20:00] self love and my self compassion all this since I was quite young like I was like reading like Louise Hay as a teenager, you know, like trying to like, figure it out, you know, how do I get better?

How do I feel better? How do I want to stay alive? Right? And, uh, but nonetheless, there were a lot of programs in my, in my mind that said not good enough. Not worthy of feeling good, therefore people not recognizing what was going on with me was, didn't feel so much like a problem. I also think it was so normal because from the time I was young, right?

It was just like, it was normal for me. As I got older and, um, you know, I, there was this moment where a boyfriend I had looked at me one day and he said, you're in pain all the time, aren't you? And I was like, Well, yeah, I mean, isn't everybody, he's like, no, and he recognized it because he had chronic back [00:21:00] pain and he saw how it was moving the way I, the way I handled my body.

Um, and it still took me a while before I was like, it's been a process of like accepting for myself that I'm sick. You know, it's been something that, uh, I've fought and denied and was in the closet about. Um, you know, these days. I'm, I don't think of it as a tough, as a thick skin. I think of it more as like my heart and my mind are really open and big, uh, because I've practiced a lot to have an open mind and heart.

And so when somebody, um, is unable to recognize my lived experience and diminish it or downplay it or just don't notice it, um, I don't tend to take it very hard. [00:22:00] I also have got, I have really good boundaries. So in the past, it was hard when people would be like, Oh, well, have you tried this? And have you tried this and the blah, blah, blah, like giving all these suggestions or being like, well, maybe meditate.

And I'm like, I am literally a meditation teacher. Like, uh, and so I used to get a little bit more annoyed with that stuff and a little bit more like activated by it. But now I just, I've. I just say, uh, I have a medical team and I have, I have trusted professionals that work with me on this, so, um, I'm not interested in suggestions or, or advice.

Unless it's someone who actually has good suggestions and advice. You know, and then I'm like open to it, but I just, I set very clear boundaries with people around that. You know, most recently with Invisible Illness stuff, it's been because I got so sick over the summer. There were a number of people who didn't know me that sick.

They had met me after I left that relationship. They [00:23:00] had met me when my health started to improve. And so they knew me in a different way. They knew I dealt with illness. They knew I had to cancel things sometimes, but they didn't really get it. And so when all these infections hit and then everything that has unfolded after that, I, I went through another round of like losing people, which happens, you know, they, for one reason or another, um, and I'm kind of okay with that too.

I figure, you know, God brings the people into my life that are in my life and helps, like, release those that aren't and I'm okay with that, but it is. You know, it is disappointing to see the lack of just being able to put oneself in someone else's shoes, you know, um, but if you haven't experienced chronic illness, invisible illness, chronic pain, [00:24:00] it is kind of hard to wrap your mind around and I, I get that.

Teisha Rose: Yeah, you, you spoken to that beautifully, because I think, um, It is in terms of our own learnings and not just being devastated if someone doesn't see what we're going through. Because I think it's a real balance there, like sometimes when I've been visibly in a wheelchair and treated really different by that, then I think When I then aren't in the wheelchair, still have, you know, issues MS wise, I actually liked it that they didn't know what was going on because then they weren't treating me differently.

So I think for me, it was that balance, but I think it's beautiful. It's your response to that, you know, and you're right. If people aren't there for you when you then go through stuff and then heal, well, they're not maybe meant to be there for your healing.

Jessica Graham: Yeah, [00:25:00] exactly. And then there's the people that are just like, just, just don't, just don't leave, you know, they just, they, they stick around.

And those are the people that over the years, they, they add up and you have an amazing, you know, amazing group of friends, um, you know, that, That get it. And like, for example, like, keep inviting you to things, even though they, they know you're going to probably say no, but they know that it also feels good to be invited.

So it's like, stuff like that goes a long way.

Teisha Rose: But you play a role in that as well. Because I think also, if people are absolutely miserable with their illness and don't have that outlook, then people don't want to be around them. So, and that's what I think. I'm the same. I've had some amazing, particularly girlfriends that are from, you know, from 22 diagnosed with MS and they have been there.

Um, but I also think that's because I'm also interested in their life and [00:26:00] still, just because I'm going through stuff doesn't mean I'm not there to support them. Mm hmm.

Jessica Graham: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, I think, oh, it's, it's, the mind is, is so powerful. Um, I'm grateful that before, um, I'm grateful that before I really accepted how sick I was and before my health declined to the point that it, it did, I'm really grateful for all of All of the meditation, the therapy, uh, to help me work with my mind.

I mean, a big part of, um, my early meditation journey, like, well, as I meditated as a little kid, actually, but then as an adult, my early meditation journey was all about working with self. So working with emotional sensations, mental talk and mental images, and how those things come together and create. And if [00:27:00] there's physical pain, that me is going to be like, and it's going to suffer, right?

There's going to be thoughts and there's, there's going to be words and images and emotions associated with the physical pain. And, um, and the, the feeling of forever or never, you know, the black and white and extreme stuff we can get in when we're in. a lot of pain or in a kind of survival mode and feel very blessed that I was able to really create a very different relationship with my mind and my emotions so that, um, I've been able to Uh, stay in, uh, I don't want to say positive, sure, positive, but like, I've just stayed curious and interested in living, right?

And interested in humans and interested in this experience that we're having. And I think if I didn't [00:28:00] have that option of really working with the mind and the emotions associated with the illnesses, I could see myself just being. Stuck in a, in a pretty dark place and I've had periods of that, but, um, you know, it's, and it's not the point here isn't like, oh, I'm not talking about, like, denying your thoughts or your feelings or, or pretending you feel good or toxic positivity.

It's really just like understanding that. There's a lot more to us than our thoughts and our emotions. We are much more vast and mysterious than that.

Teisha Rose: Yeah, and did that then help you? Because there's a lot of grief with living with an illness, particularly around the impact it has on the life that assumed, you assumed, would be yours.

So, you know, the impact of On your dreams and, and just automatically you think I'm going to go [00:29:00] down this path and all of a sudden, bang, can't walk, can't do this, you know, that's not going to happen. Um, so for you, how have you dealt with that grief?

Jessica Graham: Yeah, um, I think for me, because it was this really slow process of coming to terms with. My body and with my illnesses, um, I pushed myself very hard for a long time, which didn't help, right? That ultimately led to a complete Crash and a being, being, being like, you know, 85 percent homebound for at least a year and a half or so.

Uh, and so because I was in denial doesn't mean it wasn't happening. And so, like, I can now look back and I can, I can see like, oh, I've been dealing with this in 1 way or another my, my whole life. Um, and so I didn't I wasn't somebody that had [00:30:00] like the sudden illness and I with that like who like when I when I work with a client or just talk to a friend who's dealt with like a sudden loss, whether that's a sudden loss of health or a sudden loss of a loved one or that sudden.

change is very, uh, it is, is hard to process the grief. It's absolutely possible, but it's harder for me. The grief has kind of been this slow molasses throughout my life kind of thing. Um, and by the time I really started losing things, I was at peace with it. Uh, I, when I had to step away from my, acting career as far as it being a career or when I had to let go of the sort of momentum I was having as a director and kind of where that wanted to [00:31:00] go when I had to let go of those things.

Um, I was already in a pretty deep state of acceptance and I had, I had hit a point. Where basically just on my knees, like I, I don't care what I do. I don't care what my job is or what I look like, or I don't, I just want to have some sense of like peace and, uh, safety and joy, uh, I want to experience that and that's continues to be the truth.

Like, that's what I, that's how I make my choices. It's like, what. What's going to cultivate the most peace and joy and Curiosity and love versus what do I think I'm supposed to do in the world to achieve or to be [00:32:00] something I, I'm really, for me, dismantling the internalized capitalism and, and just trying to live in a different way, internally and externally, because I know that this system, whether it's personal or, uh, you know, uh, countrywide, uh, it doesn't work.

It doesn't work. And so the grief, it's like at this point, the grief is met with the understanding that I do not believe in living. In the hustle culture. I, I, I, I don't believe in it. I don't want to be part of it. Um, and then sometimes a wave of grief will just come up and I'll just be with it. It's just like as soon as I recognize that grieving needs to happen and I relax into it.

It's kind of like, uh, weather, you know, [00:33:00] it's, , a, a storm or what, the ocean or whatever, something, it moves through and then there's a release, it's only when we hold on and we push down the grief that the problems start to occur, so I try my best not to do that.

Teisha Rose: No, that's, that's great advice for everyone because, I mean, I didn't do that well early on with MS.

I certainly have now with cancer and the, the approach of sitting with the emotions and not pushing them down because they will come out, you know, later on. And we want to be present with them. And I love also talking about healing. And I think And I've, you know, read with you that it's in relation to finding pieces of joy in your life.

And I think that's really important. And I think why it's such an important message from you is that if someone not living through what you're going [00:34:00] through says that, then think, oh, how can I find joy? I'm in this pain. I'm, you know, this is my life. But when you're sitting there, and saying the power in that.

I think it's such an important message. Um, so how's that played out for you?

Jessica Graham: Thank you. Thank you for that reflection. Um, well, um, I would say, you know, I spent a lot of years suffering a lot, um, emotionally and mentally and spiritually and psychologically. Um, and I kind of did the opposite of, of like positive thinking. I like would in, I had this job, I had this job working in this like data center.

Like it was in a basement and I don't even know what I was doing. I would go there at like. One or two in the morning and I would like clean this place along with the other stuff. I did [00:35:00] I don't know why I have this job But I had this job and I would go in and I have my Walkman This is a long time ago I have my Walkman and I would listen to the saddest songs that would remind me of the worst Things that whoever I was dating had done to me and the worst things in my life.

And I would listen to this music and I would just get more and more miserable. It was like literally a meditation on negative. And so I lived that way. You know, I was very stressed. I, I would wake up with bits of tooth teeth in my mouth from grinding my teeth. So hard. Everything was a problem. Everything was.

a problem unless I could be drunk and have some relief and thank God for alcohol because I needed it at that time. Um, so that's kind of like where I came from. Um, but then honestly, like I got sober, so I quit drinking and I [00:36:00] then a year later started meditating and then a year later got into trauma therapy, started doing somatic experiencing EMDR, these kinds of things, and I, there were so many radical paradigm shifts for me that, like it.

If you would have taken me before that and stuck me in this body and mind now, I, I probably would have to be institutionalized because it would be such a, so different. It would be so different. Um, and so when I started to recognize that there was a different way to live and that I didn't have to be always in the problem and that.

Complex PTSD does create these symptoms of the mind and it can be treated and, you know, just started to understand these things about myself. I could begin to, um. [00:37:00] I could begin to feel grateful and be one of those people that's like, oh, new symptom. I wonder what interesting lesson I'll get to learn from this or, oh, wow, this horrible thing just happened, but it's going to, um, lead to me being able to be more compassionate to others.

That is not how I was. I, I practiced. To get, you know, to be that way, to think that way to have a mind that goes to the positive automatically versus the negative, because it always just would go to the negative. And so it took a lot of work. Um, but I will say like in a few short years, a lot of that work happened because it was just a matter of like these sort of massive paradigm shifts that came through very dedicated.

Practice of a variety of modalities. Um, and [00:38:00] these days, you know, what happened last night? I, uh, yesterday I had no spoons. I was very tired. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've been in a terrible flare up and I used some energy to make this grain free apple crumble. And then it wasn't quite toasty enough on top, so I turned the broiler on, and then I got sidetracked.

And burned my apple crumble that I had spent all my energy making. And then I felt this, this part of me come up that I'm not very familiar with anymore, because I rarely experience it, but it was just like, well, dammit, I can't believe I did this. I was like, whoa, like, where's that coming from? Like, this like, dark sort of suffering, like everything sucks, and I can't even, you know.

I, I, I, I fixed the crumble. I got the burnt part off. I found something to make more crumble with it all worked out. It was fine. [00:39:00] Um, but I noticed just briefly that draw that kind of sirens call to suffering. Those neural pathways are still there. They're just not that deep anymore. The other ones are deeper.

And so, you know, it was maybe three minutes of feeling that way. And then I was like, okay, let's continue on. And again, it's not as simple as that. It's taken years and work and all of that to arrive to that place. But generally, my mind doesn't go to that many negative places. Uh, Perhaps on a deeper level, and I'm using this aura ring now, which like tracks my sleep, and it also tracks stress.

And so it's been really interesting to see that I'm more stressed than I think I am.

Teisha Rose: Oh, that's interesting. Because

Jessica Graham: I'm not, yeah, because I'm not [00:40:00] having stressed out thoughts, and I'm not necessarily feeling stressed, but on some level there's like a more subtle stress that's still impacting me. And stress obviously is one of those things that Uh, all these symptoms just love to love to chew on.

Um, and so I, you know, I try to use a combination of technology and ancient practices to, to keep me, um, in a space where I continue to just. See the positive first instead of the negative.

Teisha Rose: Yeah, and I love chatting to you because I'm learning lots as well. And what I love is when you mention the curiosity and all because I think that's so important that we've got these conditions.

does not mean we stop learning and growing. We've got to switch on in that field even more than ever. Like if we're going to make the decision, let's embrace life. This is what I'm dealing [00:41:00] with. Then I love that word. I'll be thinking of that curiosity because that's right. It's like, okay, right here. What are we going to do now?

Let's do this. And then be proud of yourself when you. are flexible, dynamic, you know, adaptable to make changes, and then experience things that you would never have experienced without that initial experience.

Jessica Graham: Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I think curiosity is probably like, that, that could sum up my whole philosophy in some ways, like this curiosity, potentiality.

I don't think I could Stand it, stand living in the world as it is today, stand living in the US as it is today. If I wasn't connected to curiosity and potentiality, because I mean, honestly, like, as horrific as so much of it is. There is a kind of a little bit of a, I, I don't want to call it [00:42:00] joy, but there's an enjoyment in the curiosity about like, I wonder what kind of crazy thing's going to happen next.

Um, and the other thing about curiosity, um, and potentiality is it opens me up to parts of myself and allow, gives me permission to express parts of myself. Like, for example. Ever since I was a, ever since I was a teenager in the 90s, I've been, uh, for Palestinian liberation, um, but in recent years, I've become very vocal, um, and it's because I was able to get curious about, like, well, would it be that bad if some people are really mad at me?

Would it be that bad if I lost opportunities as a result? Or would it be so in alignment with What I believe with, with my integrity, with, with what's in, what I see to be important, um, that it would [00:43:00] be okay. It would be okay to deal with the hate. And it's been fine. I've been fine dealing with the hate.

Teisha Rose: No. And living in Australia, I am very curious as to what the next week will entail. Like where curiosity from a distance, it feels a little bit, you know, safer, I think, um, than what you're going through now. So yes, we will, we're a little bit, well, in this caravan, at least a little bit in amazement of what's been unfolding and think, Oh my goodness, you know, what will be so very curious.

Yes. Hmm.

Jessica Graham: I have, I have a friend who, who left the U. S. and is, he, he's in Australia now, he's like, I'm getting out of here. He did everything he had to do. It's like a whole process, getting his cats there. I mean, if, if I didn't have my niece and nephews, I wouldn't stay in this country.

Teisha Rose: Yeah. Yeah. And I had a guest on here, Ronni, and [00:44:00] They married their partner because , they're, in a gay relationship and they were worried that they wouldn't be able to do that post.

So all of that had a big impact. So, um, I'll put the show notes for others for. Ronni's, um, story and what she thinks of what, what's happening there for someone who identifies as queer and disabled has had a massive impact and , they're very fearful of what the future will be. Um, so yeah, so it's very, very real, um, for what you're going through and to have that.

on, you know, just going through everything you've gone through with the fires. It's a very interesting, they said 2025 is going to be interesting, not just because I turned 50, but something's happening. So yes, so we'll hold on and watch, watch this space. Um, so let's now sort of move on to how you're working with others.

So you're an absolute wealth of information. Um, and I'm [00:45:00] Very pleased that you're sharing that, not just on podcast, not just through your written words, but that you're working with people. So can you share with us what you're doing in that space?

Jessica Graham: Yeah, absolutely. So my primary focus, my primary focus is, um, is, is a trauma resolution, uh, using somatic practices, uh, and brain spotting, which is an offshoot of EMDR.

And I also, you know, I'm some certified in the somatic, uh, trauma resolution and I'm trained and, um, qualified to do the brain spotting with clients and then I have a lot of other. Modalities I pull in and and different things that like I've come up with through whether trainings or my own lived experience The focus is complex PTSD specifically [00:46:00] developmental.

That's a lot of what I work with But I also because of the first book good sex. I do I definitely work with sexual trauma as well oftentimes From early ages, uh, but not exclusively and, um, I bring in the, my background as a meditation teacher, but most of the folks I'm working with, that's not really what they're coming to me for.

And then I also do have some meditation clients who are long term practitioners who've gone quite deep in their practice and are possibly having. Some side effects, um, are possibly dealing with, um, kind of a disillusionment, uh, or an inability to kind of re enter their human life, um, and deal with things like, you know, relationships and sex and money, because they've sort of like, gone off into this, like.

Pilgrimage [00:47:00] of, you know, spiritual exploration. So I work with those folks to, yes, deepen and continue the awakening process and integrate the awakening process, but also to be human, which is what we are. We're here to do that. So, um, and then I work with couples as well. I do, I do couples coaching. I really love that work.

deeply enjoy, um, working with couples. I, I, I'm not, I'm not sure why, um, but I really like it and I'm good at it. I don't do as much of that as the trauma resolution, but yeah, that's, that's as far as that part of my work, that's what I do. Um, and you know, it started with just. You know, teaching meditation years and years ago, but even before that, it started with being, you know, the person people would come to, you know, sometimes inappropriately, like, you know, being parentified, but other times, like, as a [00:48:00] teenager, I was a safe person for someone to come to if they were pregnant and didn't know what to do, or if they were, you know, going through And abuse of some kind.

Like people would come to me and I, even though I had my own, you know, I was, I was a mess. I was also kind of always wired that way. And so in some ways I've been doing some version of this for a very long time.

Teisha Rose: Yeah. That's beautiful though, because you learn so much, you know, informally before you're formally doing that.

So that's, that's great. And in. Actually, what I wanted to ask, because I didn't want to interrupt you, what did you say brain spotting was?

Jessica Graham: So rain spotting is an offshoot of EMDR and EMDR is the bilateral stimulation, which is used for trauma resolution and, uh, that could be, uh, following a finger or a pointer back and forth.

It could be following a light. It could be buzzers in your hands. It could also [00:49:00] be tapping. Yep. Um, so. It's really powerful for processing trauma. Um, and especially when combined with somatic, uh, process as well. Um, and because I am not a therapist, um, I'm not, I have not gone to school to be a therapist. I can't get certified in the, in EMDR.

And so I always wanted to because I loved it. And I actually had. several therapists say, okay, you can do parts of it. You know enough about it. Read this book. We empower you like go for it. Um, but I can't say, you know, I do EMDR. Um, so I wanted to find something that I could, uh, have a certification in and have like actual training and supervision and all of that.

And I came across brain spotting, not knowing that, uh, It, you not necessarily have to be a licensed mental health care [00:50:00] professional to be trained and certified in it. And I found that out and I applied and because I had, you know, a good amount of experience and I'd written a book and things like that.

They, they accepted me in the program and it's a amazing modality. So the idea is. This, uh, this guy, David Grand, he was a, um, uh, EMDR therapist and he was doing the back and forth bilateral. I think he was using his finger or a pointer. And then he noticed when he stopped moving in a particular place, all of this process started to occur for the client.

And. He calls it a trauma capsule, and the idea is that where you look affect how you feel, where you look affects what part of your history or, um, and your imprints of trauma you're connecting with. It's pretty phenomenal. Every time I introduce it to [00:51:00] someone and even people that have done it for a while, they're like, what is this like witchery?

Like, this is like magic. Um, and it's, it's cool because you can, um, not even necessarily talk about the trauma that occurred at all. Still get huge amounts of process and healing. It's really cool. And, um, you know, it can also be used in a lot of different ways. It can be used for performance enhancement.

It can be used to process grief. It can be used, you know, to, to work with pain. Even I've, I've, I've used it for that. Cause I, I work with people with chronic pain as well. Uh, And you can also use it in a very resource based way, like find the point that when you look at it, you feel, you feel most at peace or you feel most joyful or you feel most connected to the divine or whatever it is.

And so there's a lot of different ways it can work. It can be very, very gentle. Um, I'm a big fan of it and, [00:52:00] you know, I, I definitely recommend Checking it out for folks that, you know, are interested in trauma resolution modalities.

Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's amazing. So as we sort of we've been chatting for ages, so really appreciate your time.

And what would be great would say, firstly, how can people get their hands on your book? And also, how can they connect with you?

Jessica Graham: Yeah, so Jessica Graham dot com is the easiest spot. Um, it's very simple site at this point. and it's being built, but there's a nice. It's like page up there that has all the links.

Uh, the book is available wherever book books are sold. Um, I'm not sure what, uh, like translations or what will be coming or, um, how, uh, far out into the world the book is at this point, but. Should be widely available. Um, you can get it at a library. You [00:53:00] can get an independent bookstore, or you can get it at one of the bigger places.

I will always say, if you like the book, review it somewhere. The reviews really help the algorithms. It helps get the book out to more people. So that's that's my little ask. Um, and yeah, all my socials and, um, uh, are on jessicagraham. com as well as links to apply to have an intro session with me. Uh, And I see people all over the world.

Uh, I do all my work virtually, so that's on there as well. Um, as well as links to like film related stuff and things like that.

Teisha Rose: Yeah, fantastic. And I'll put those links onto. Um, and I also do a blog for each of the episodes. So we'll send that link and people can get all your details there as well. So thank you so much for your time.

I've loved this conversation. For me, absolutely, the standout is curiosity. And I think that's such a strong message for all of us to [00:54:00] hold on to that no matter what is happening, be curious, you know, be curious as to. what is going on now, but yeah, that will, that curiosity will impact your future.

Jessica Graham: Absolutely.

Teisha Rose: Excellent. Thanks, Jess.

Jessica Graham: Thanks so much for having me. You're welcome.

Teisha Rose: So thank you for listening to another episode. I hope you enjoyed and learnt a lot from the insights of Jess. They are really articulate, I guess, in explaining what has been learnt from all of the ups and downs of a traumatic childhood and how that has informed Jess's approach to living and embracing life now.

As Jess mentioned, Do go to  jessicagraham. com, and it's Graham with an H, so G R A [00:55:00] H A M. Also there, there'll be links to their book, Being Sick Enough.

Apart from that, have a great week. If you're new to the podcast, thank you. I'm getting lots more people from around the world listening. If you want to catch up, listen to some of the old episodes. There's lots of other people sharing their stories, their hurdle to hope stories. So have a look at those episodes.

Also, some of these experts that we're learning from, and if we are to live well with our illnesses. Or if you're in the support system of someone living with an illness, the insights of those, not just living with the illnesses, but those working with us are so invaluable. So do spend some time going through the episodes and choose some that you want to listen to.

[00:56:00] Have a good week. Um, I'm actually, I'm just giggling. I'm actually off away for a few days. I'm going back to where I celebrated my 50th. I got a good deal and I have some recording to do of some workshops. So I'll be sharing that a little bit later on, but recording video of workshops in the caravan wasn't going to really work, so perfect excuse to go off.

and have long hot showers and a nice comfortable bed for a few days and do some recording. So enjoy your week and I look forward to chatting soon. [00:57:00]