Episode 50 Learning from Low Key Spiritual: People-Pleasing, Boundaries and Alignment
Dec 19, 2024
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In this episode of Wellbeing Interrupted, I had the pleasure of speaking with Francesca Budesheim, founder of Low Key Spiritual. Francesca shares her deep insights into mind-body healing, navigating grief, trauma, and how holistic practices can support people living with chronic stress or health conditions.
Whether you’re struggling with emotional exhaustion, stuck in patterns like people-pleasing, or curious about aligning your life in a way that honours your health, this conversation will give you practical tools and fresh perspectives to move forward.
The Importance of the Mind-Body Connection
Francesca’s work at Low Key Spiritual is grounded in the belief that the mind and body are deeply interconnected. For those living with chronic conditions or stress, Francesca highlights how emotional and physical challenges can become "stuck" in the body.
Through somatic healing, holistic approaches, and trauma-informed care, Francesca helps her clients release what no longer serves them and reconnect with their body’s innate wisdom.
Understanding People-Pleasing and Health Challenges
Many people living with chronic illness fall into patterns of people-pleasing, often prioritising the needs of others while neglecting their own wellbeing. Francesca explains why this happens and how it can impact both mental and physical health over time.
She also shares strategies to break free from these patterns, including the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say "no" without guilt—an empowering step for anyone on a healing journey.
Healing Through Trauma and Grief
For those navigating loss—whether it’s the loss of health, independence, or relationships—grief is often a major part of the journey. Francesca shares her approach to helping people process this grief, move through emotional blocks, and find balance.
Her work focuses on meeting clients where they are, gently guiding them through practices that support emotional release, healing, and resilience.
Living an Aligned Life with Chronic Illness
Francesca believes that living an "aligned life" means honouring your needs, values, and health without compromise. She shares practical steps for anyone feeling stuck or disconnected, including small daily actions that can help you move toward alignment.
Whether it’s through mindfulness practices, somatic healing, or simply learning to listen to your body, Francesca’s approach encourages you to embrace a life that feels both balanced and fulfilling.
What’s Next for Low Key Spiritual?
Francesca shares her passion for helping others reconnect with themselves through holistic healing. She discusses upcoming offerings at Low Key Spiritual, including one-on-one sessions, group workshops, and exciting new projects designed to support healing and alignment for those living with chronic challenges.
Final Thoughts
Francesca Budesheim’s insights are a powerful reminder that healing isn’t just about treating symptoms—it’s about aligning mind, body, and spirit. Whether you’re navigating chronic illness, stress, or emotional exhaustion, her work offers practical tools to help you move forward with more ease and self-compassion.
If you’re feeling stuck, remember: even the smallest step toward alignment can lead to profound healing.
Connect with Francesca and Low Key Spiritual
- Learn more about Francesca’s work at lowkeyspiritual.com
- Low-Key Club offer: 3 months free when you purchase a year membership ($60 savings); Use code: wellbeing
- 1:1 Therapeutic Coaching offer: Get 3 additional sessions by mentioning “Wellbeing Interrupted” in the onboarding form referral space.
- Other Wellbeing Interrupted Episodes:
Transcript Episode 50
Episode 50 FINAL
[00:00:00] Teisha Rose: Hey there, Teisha here and welcome to episode 50 of Wellbeing Interrupted. Hopefully you can't hear the aircon which is humming in the background because things are heating up here at Daisy Hill. 42 degrees Celsius tomorrow which is Um, 107 Fahrenheit, I just looked up. So, getting very hot leading into Christmas.
[00:00:26] Today, I'm sharing with you though, an interview I did a couple of weeks back. This interview, it's not focusing on a Hurdle2Hope story. Instead, what I'm also wanting to do is bringing people into this community who can share their expertise. Francesca Bertusheim is such a wealth of information, her business Low Key Spiritual, I just love that name, and I was really pleased when our paths crossed.
[00:00:56] Francesca is a therapeutic coach with a master's degree in clinical social work. and over a decade of experience in counselling. But what I love is that she combines her extensive training in both Eastern and Western therapeutic modalities. She's really been able to create this unique approach that helps individuals break free from anxiety.
[00:01:20] People pleasing and self doubt, and these, especially people pleasing at this time of year, is really difficult to navigate, so I thought this is the perfect episode for us to, you know, absorb and listen to Francesca's expertise. I love this conversation, so I really hope you do as well. Welcome to Wellbeing Interrupted, the podcast dedicated to exploring the transformative power of a healing mindset.
[00:01:56] I'm Teisha Rose, your host and the founder of Hurdle2Hope. If you're on a quest to not just survive but thrive after a life changing diagnosis, then you're definitely in the right place. Living with MS and now stage 4 breast cancer has taught me a vital lesson. In the face of a life changing illness, our mindset is everything.
[00:02:23] Each week, I'll share insights, tips, and strategies to help you build a happier, healthier, more balanced life. So let's begin your journey from hurdle to hope starting right now. Okay, so welcome Francesca. Thank you so much for joining us on Wellbeing Interrupted. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad to be here.
[00:02:48] You're welcome. So to start with, you don't have an Australian accent like I do. So where are we talking to you from?
[00:02:56] Francesca Budesheim: Yes, I do not. Although I wish I did. Um, I am coming to you just from outside of Austin, Texas. So right in the, right in the capital.
[00:03:06] Teisha Rose: I've done a little bit of research and I've had a look a bit about your background and I was really excited to have you on this episode.
[00:03:15] As I mentioned, I've been talking a lot about Hurdle2Hope stories, but I also really want to have people on the show who can offer us some insights and their expertise. Um, and your business is called Low Key Spiritual and I absolutely love that name. So yeah, so I was drawn to interview you. So can we get to know you a little bit more and just hear about your formative years and how those experiences shaped what you're doing today?
[00:03:47] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah, absolutely. So I always grew up, I think, knowing that I wanted to help people. I came from a pretty tumultuous, um, background and upbringing with a lot of trauma, a lot of, um, boundary issues, a lot of people pleasing issues, you know, really you have to be the best love. Um, and so that always, um, pushed me to Whether it was kind of, um, conscious thought or not at the time, it always pushed me, um, into wanting to help people.
[00:04:19] So I really got into the field. Um, so we'll started going to university for my undergraduate, which was child and family studies. And then I got my master's in clinical social work, um, here in Austin at UT. Um, and I started working with, um, survivors of domestic violence, women and children. And when I was doing that, um, I had was also getting into yoga and mindfulness at the same time, and I was lucky enough that those professors, part of our capstone project, our graduation project in our, in my, um, first four years of university, um, they really pushed me to follow that.
[00:04:53] And I started creating programs, um, for mindfulness for these women to help kind of deal with the stressors of leaving that domestic violence situation and kind of teaching the children how to essentially regulate their emotions, um, because they grew up in also so. such tumultuous environments as well.
[00:05:11] So then I worked my way into Austin. So I was in Syracuse, New York for that. And then I worked my way into Austin for my master's degree in clinical social work. And then still was using a lot of that, um, yoga, mindfulness, traditional Chinese medicine, really blending both the Eastern and the Western fields.
[00:05:29] I would say that it wasn't quite as welcoming at the time. I mean, it's been years since I graduated, So I guess it's, I guess it's almost been 10 years, actually, since I've graduated. So I would say now it's probably a little bit more, um, welcomed in the field, but at the time it wasn't. And so I was really just wanting to see how can I integrate more holistic approaches, um, with people who experience, um, I worked in the grief and loss field for a really long time.
[00:05:55] And, you know, there's a lot of that holistic piece or that energetic piece that really helps people who are suffering through grief or loss, whether it's looking into signs or Talking to mediums, um, there's a lot that you could discuss in those fields that it, I really don't think, think it fits in just the traditional, really like tight knit, um, uh, realm of what I was taught to be as a practitioner.
[00:06:18] It just wasn't realistic and it's not really what my clients needed or wanted. So kind of fast forward. I started. trickling away from really the full blown, um, social work field. And I started Low Key Spiritual, and it's a, um, company where I do one on one coaching and I also have a self led, um, platform called Low Key Club.
[00:06:38] Um, I also do, you know, programming and retreats and things like that, but the biggest part about it is really taking both those Eastern and Western ideas and really creating a space for people to, yes, you know, use. Evidence based therapies and use strength based therapies and use cognitive behavioral therapy, but also use somatic things.
[00:06:57] So listening to your body, moving your body, you know, doing the things that those other things don't necessarily always hit really hard.
[00:07:06] Teisha Rose: Love that. I'm actually also social work qualified, um, and I worked when I was working, you know, in a traditional job with, I think those skills stay with you, you know, no matter what you do anyway.
[00:07:18] Love it. Um, but I was in emergency housing working and a lot of women leave in domestic violence situations. So it is, it's such stressful situations. And back then, like that was 20 years ago, so there was no thought of Adding different, you know, um, Eastern modalities too, but it just makes sense. It does make sense from my perspective.
[00:07:44] And has it, um, had good outcomes, you know, with your clients and yeah, what's the response when you start doing some of those things?
[00:07:53] Francesca Budesheim: Oh, gosh. I mean, 100%. I just noticed that there is that gap with sort of that traditional mental health care. And a lot of times people are just so disconnected with their bodies.
[00:08:03] So although, you know, traditional clinical aspects are really, really effective, you know, those. We also know that breathwork, that yoga, we have the research on it that shows how people's, their literal brain function or the, the, the gray and the white matter in their brain changes the way their, um, brain fires changes the way their neural connections and the alarms in their brain changes through yoga and mindfulness and all these other practices.
[00:08:32] So I, every client I've had, um, whether it's been in group settings in, in years ago, 10 years ago, when I started this, or Or as I moved to my individual work and really started integrating more, all of them, um, have achieved such growth and just a reduction in anxiety, a reduction in trauma response. And I've been diving a lot into boundaries and people pleasing.
[00:08:54] Um, that seems to be something that a lot of my clients also struggle with, which really is. so much. So evident in so many areas. And I know we'll probably talk more about that in a little bit. Um, but yeah, they just, it's an accessible tool that doesn't require a lot. So it also is really easy to implement.
[00:09:10] So it wasn't like this big gap between, oh, I go meet someone for therapy or therapeutic coaching. And then I have a week or two weeks or a month, you know, how, however much I can afford or have the time for. and I can't do anything else after that. This is stuff that I can teach my clients and they can bring it in.
[00:09:26] It takes like five seconds to have a mindful moment, right? It doesn't take all this time. Um, so it's been incredibly effective.
[00:09:35] Teisha Rose: Yeah. And I love that message to people and you're right. And it was interesting. We were talking before, before we hit record and I mentioned how we're now living on a hundred acres of land.
[00:09:46] And I share a lot of that was because of my health, but it was also my partner, Andrew's, and it was his psychologist that said the land for him is his life force. And he was going through a lot with his mental health and she really encouraged him to do it. And it's so true. You just see Straight away, that mindfulness, I'm not saying, go on, do your mindfulness practice.
[00:10:10] He's like, he steps outside and says, Oh, do you hear that bird? Or do you, you know, it's amazing. So I love that you're doing that to empower people to have that impact themselves.
[00:10:22] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. And it just, it really does, you know, I know we talk a lot about the, or this podcast is more on like chronic illness and, and, and kind of big things like that, but it just even goes to show like, When we experience a lot of chronic illness or we experience a major medical event, like there's so many things pulling your attention, your bills, you know, am I bothering the person for having them come help me?
[00:10:46] Like, how am I going to get my kid to school and do that? Like, there's just so much. And the first thing to go is the connection with yourself. And then you really do miss what's really going on. And of course, I'm not saying that breathwork is gonna Cure a medical event, right? We're not going to say that.
[00:11:04] It just helps create a little bit more groundedness. You can actually say like, Oh, when I eat this food, that doesn't help. Or, Oh, when I'm in this, when I'm in this environment or with these people, that doesn't help my illness. Like it actually brings on more stress. My stomach hurts. I get dizzy. I get headaches.
[00:11:20] Like those are real somatic responses.
[00:11:23] Teisha Rose: Absolutely. And if you do, I talk about you quiet your mind and then you're aware of the signs around you. And I don't think when we're talking about people with health conditions, I've heard, you know, you're so lucky things work out. And I'm like, not really lucky.
[00:11:36] I've got a couple of big diseases there, but I'm always connected to the right people because I'm not in that state of panic. You know, that's so important. Like you said, you know, to tap into those signs, you're oblivious to them if you're running on anxiety.
[00:11:53] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah, and I think the important thing I always like to tell people too is that the point of all this, it's not so like we never experience like any anxiety, or we don't experience that up and down, right?
[00:12:03] This is not about always being at equilibrium, like what the somatic is and what this, what, what I encourage my people to do is it's not about Being at equilibrium, it's can you ride the waves of the ups and the downs and pull yourself back at a, at a pretty steady pace, right? Like, we're never going to have all highs, all lows, all equilibrium, right?
[00:12:26] It's never going to be like that. But how do we manage them? And can we manage them? And can we kind of minimize the time it takes us to come back to that soft landing place?
[00:12:37] Teisha Rose: Yeah. And do you think then you get, the more you do that and implement what you're teaching, the quicker it is to get back to that soft landing?
[00:12:47] Francesca Budesheim: 100%. Yeah. I mean, it's a big process of unlearning. I mean, Whether it's a medical event or a chronic illness, there's, we learn so much of this stuff from, from, you know, diapers until adulthood, where it's like, this is, we're modeled. How do you deal with stress? How do you deal with frustration? How do you deal when you feel this way or that way?
[00:13:10] And those, that one creates pain. Beyond any even extra issues that we'd have to deal with. Just imagine you were, there was no extras. It's still hard to exist as a person. When you think about how we've grown up and how we've been conditioned by society, by our families and all of that, and then add on a chronic illness, add on a medical event, add on a divorce, add on money issues, add on all these things.
[00:13:35] All that stuff that probably wasn't, um, you know, the best way to deal with stuff in the beginning, a little maladaptive behavior. It's now it's running up against a lot of stuff and now it's going to be even harder. So yeah, the more we practice, we have to flex those connections, those neural connections.
[00:13:51] We're like flexing an emotional muscle. We're doing a little internal embodiment workout, if you will. So the gap time between The action and the reaction gets a little longer and a little calmer.
[00:14:06] Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's great. And that's a beautiful way of even talking about what resilience is. Because I think sometimes people say, you know, you're so resilient and it's like, well, what does that mean?
[00:14:16] But what you've explained, that's resilience.
[00:14:19] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. And then you're like, thank you. I also didn't have a choice. Yeah, that's right. That's right. But yeah, I mean, that's what it is.
[00:14:28] Teisha Rose: Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. And people, and what gives us then the empowerment is that we can work on what you're doing to make us more resilient.
[00:14:38] So you're not sitting in fear of when something, like you said, you know, a separation or a death of a loved one, or like, it's not just because you've got one or two illnesses doesn't mean that you're not immune to all of that as well.
[00:14:53] Francesca Budesheim: Exactly. Yeah. And I think it's, it's like, uh, I have a friend who just recently lost her partner and a lot of people are always just like, Oh, you're so brave.
[00:15:01] Wow. You're so good at this. And I'm like, Hey, I mean, I don't, she doesn't really have a choice. And also she, I mean, you know, she had to figure it out. Right. And so she's working on now her new, what her, it's not even a normal, it's just her new way of living. And you know, how does she create her sense of resiliency and how does she create her new sense of you know, whatever equilibrium is for her.
[00:15:24] Teisha Rose: Yeah, absolutely. And when I talk, have I mentioned to you root causes? What's meant by, you know, exploring the root cause of a condition or yeah, so teach me about that.
[00:15:39] Francesca Budesheim: The root causes of kind of like these adaptive behaviors.
[00:15:42] Teisha Rose: Yeah, like if someone's thinking, okay, I've got MS or I've got, you know, not necessarily what causes, but I know I, my response to MS, I'll, I'll share a little bit about myself.
[00:15:55] Early on, I was very sick with MS. I was very reactive. Oh, as soon as a symptom happened, I would then treat that symptom, I'd go to hospital, have, you know, my steroid treatment, go to rehab if I was in a wheelchair, learn how to walk again, then get back into my life as is, and then I'd get sick again, and it would just continue.
[00:16:19] So it wasn't until I really looked at, for me, I thought, my way of interacting and responding to MS, once I unpacked that, once I made massive changes, I've gone, I haven't had a relapse in 12 years and I was having relapse, I was told twice I'd never walk again. So, you know, life's changed a lot. So, I'm assuming too, you're working with people that, you know, to change their response to their health condition.
[00:16:50] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's super personal to everyone. It's so fun. You, you mentioned MS, one of my very best friends in the whole wide world has MS. And, um, I remember when she was first diagnosed, her, her mom has it. So she always had like an inkling that maybe she would have it. And she was actually a smoker and she would smoke and she would get like, um, kind of like a palsy in her lip.
[00:17:10] And I was like, Hey, but she would smoke cause she was stressed. And I was like, Hey, I don't. We've talked about you quitting. Well, we got to figure this out and, you know, start quitting. And then it kept happening, kept happening. And, and for her and women, like you said, like this reaction you have a lot of when it comes to our chronic illnesses or our medical events, like stress is such a leading factor and it is a route to so many things because the stress also is going to impact it.
[00:17:37] How you exist in the rest of the world. If you're not able to meet that stress, the food choices you make are not going to be great. The way you take care of yourself is not going to be great. And it's not because it's you're this wrong or bad person. It's just, you don't have any other lens to look through except for the colored glasses of stress.
[00:17:54] It's like you mentioned, like noticing the medical event, going to hospital, like getting, it's like, it's just constant, like, Back and forth. And until you realize how you're moving through the world, like I said, with the people around you, with how you take care of yourself, with how you fill your cup, I mean, even what you intake or you take intaking like content that's really aggressive and negative on social media or movies or film.
[00:18:18] So, I think when it comes to root causes, you can say, I mean, definitely there's lots of things, right? There's there's there's DNA. There's things that are unexplained that we don't know yet. But I think. Stress is something that I think we overlook a ton, and When you're not able to reframe your experiences and kind of reframe your connection to whatever you're dealing with, you know, all the strengths that you might have within you or the resources you might have around you, you can't quite see them.
[00:18:48] So we want to try to reframe that and kind of, I always talk about like re narrating, like how do you retell your story? Like you're the, you're writing each chapter, right? Like you get to flip the page, you get to tear the page out, you get to erase it, whatever you want. And, and, um, You know, just really create a space for yourself to process your emotions, process your grief, process these big life changes.
[00:19:11] And through all of that, I think we can, you know, not solve everything in the world, but it can make things a lot more manageable.
[00:19:19] Teisha Rose: Yeah, a hundred percent. And you're right. And when you learn to do that, then when you're in those moments where yes, a relapse has happened, You're a lot more, you're able to get through that a whole lot easier, um, and have that awareness.
[00:19:33] And then, but then I think too, if some, like for me, you know, cancer then happens. And I think, well, what in my life? was leading up to that. What do I need to change? And I think part of our reason to move into the country was I needed to be grounded. I just felt that to heal from this cancer. And yeah, so it is being adaptable, isn't it?
[00:19:57] Making changes.
[00:19:58] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, like you said, it's Making choices and moving spaces. I know when I was dealing with, um, some trauma of mine, I, uh, was living in an apartment at the time. And my therapist, who also was, um, you know, a body worker, she was, she was amazing. She blessed the land my house is on.
[00:20:16] She's done Reiki. She's, she's a super cool lady, but she told me she was like, You know, I think moving to a home is actually gonna be really good for you because she's like the fact that you like are in this apartment and you're sharing walls and you're sharing space. Like, you've never had a space where, and this is like, for me, like, I've never had it.
[00:20:33] I never had a space where I felt very, like, safe or grounded or like, I could really, um, have a control. So. Being in a home where I can, you know, even something silly like get a bed that I like or put up a photo that I like or not feel rushed to decorate or just creating that really brave space for myself.
[00:20:52] Like it does make such a difference and you see it through lots of things. For me, it's more, um, like sexual abuse and trauma. Um, for others it's, it's chronic illness. For others, it's, you know, so many other things. Grief and loss, right? Like the act of, um, you know, taking out or cleaning out the closet of your loved one's stuff or not.
[00:21:15] You know, it's those energetic changes really, really make a difference. And that's what that somatic piece is about. It's really about that. Really listening in and being like, okay, I see this thing, or I feel this thing, or I feel this land. And I get this instant sense of like connection and grounding and softness.
[00:21:33] But we would miss that if we were just like in this busy city or we wouldn't have the time, or we didn't feel like we have the time to slow down or, you know, take a breath. But like I said, it's like five seconds. You can have a whole mindful moment in five seconds, right? It doesn't really take that much, but yeah, like being able to move to that land, like how precious.
[00:21:53] Teisha Rose: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it does, it helps retrain your mind, you know, and yeah, I feel different. I went to a retreat and they said, Oh, be careful. You'll be out of the retreat bubble soon. And I was like, not where I live. I said, Oh, that was last time.
[00:22:10] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. That's so funny. Actually, I just came back from a retreat as well.
[00:22:14] And, um, we kind of talked about that same thing. And I got back and have. The temperature is wildly different. It was like 80s where I was now. It's like I got back to it's 45 and like kind of raining and really cool, but I was like, okay, well, how do I, I like actually made my, I had a long layover on my way home and I was like, okay, I'm someone who, because of my trauma and because of my things I have, I'm always like, how can I, how can I do the next thing?
[00:22:39] How can I keep going? How can I busy, busy, busy, busy? That's, that's how I like deal with everything. And I was like, okay, I need to make a conscious effort to really slow down. and pause. And I just got to spend all of yesterday, you know, just really just sitting and breathing and being with my pups and being with my partner.
[00:22:55] And I did a little extra Christmas decorating and it's not 80 degrees and a beach and a yoga retreat, but it's still a way that really helps heal my soul, like doing those tiny things. And I just still feel so grounded, which is usually not the case. Like, like you said, when you get out of that retreat bubble.
[00:23:12] Teisha Rose: Yeah, a hundred percent. And. I like, you know, working with people who have experienced trauma and experiencing grief, you Like we mentioned, that and I want people listening is there is a lot of grief around being diagnosed with a condition and regardless of what that condition is, and there's a grief, a grief of grieving who you were, you know, and who you are now and what your life may be, You know, you may have assumed it would be one way and you're thinking, well, that's never gonna happen.
[00:23:49] So working with people with an illness, what's sort of your messaging to them and why is it so important to deal with that grief so they can move forward?
[00:24:02] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah, and I, I think what it is, and when it comes to really any type of grief is, I think I said this before, it's deep, it's deeply personal. It's a just a deeply personal space.
[00:24:12] Yeah. But first and foremost, it's just honoring those feelings. It's being really honest. Like, I think a lot of people get really scared to be like, yeah, this isn't fair. Like I've had so many people who, you know, go through their, um, I, someone with who I know who got diagnosed with Parkinson's, he was just like, it's not fair.
[00:24:32] And I feel so silly saying that because like, my life is good. Like I've got a good job. I've got a partner. And like, I feel so embarrassed saying that I don't feel like it's fair. And I was like, well, it's not fair. It's not fair that any of us have to deal with this, right? And, you know, it's a, the first step is like acknowledging the fact that you even feel that way.
[00:24:50] Like, let yourself feel the unfairness. Let yourself feel the frustration because all that holding that inside again, somatically, it's not going to be good. It might create more stress in your system. Things are going to start to move around and it might make your symptoms worse depending on what you're dealing with, first of all.
[00:25:05] But it's, and it's also knowing, I think, I always say like with, with different types of grief, it's not necessarily about like getting over it as much as it is going through it and feeling through it and then figuring out who you are on the other side. And some days you're still going to grieve that.
[00:25:24] And some days you're going to be really excited and it's just going to be a, the path of the up and down. And it's not something that we're going to fix. Um, and we talked about reframing a little bit ago, but it is, it's, it's that reframe of, like you said, Hurdle2Hope. What my life was, what I, I grieve, what it's not going to be anymore.
[00:25:41] And I got to reframe, like, how am I going to exist now? Can I still do the things I wanted to do? And it's, it's, I think it's kind of constant. Honestly, I don't know anyone who's experienced grief, I guess, in any form. Cause grief is a lot, right? Grief can be really, really positive. And it can also be really, really, really shadowy, like grieving, like you might have a baby, but like you have to grieve.
[00:26:02] That you're no longer, let's use me as an example. I don't have a baby, but if I had a baby, I may have to grieve, you know, the single Francesca or the Francesca who could do whatever she wanted with her friends or could drop her, drop stuff at the drop of a pin to go help somebody like, but I get to celebrate this new baby, right.
[00:26:19] Or, you know, you get married or all of these things, right. So grief can be really exciting. Um, There's often something that still has to go away for you to have this new experience, and that can be always very positive, or maybe not so. Um, so I think really the biggest thing is, is knowing that it, You might, and I, this always sounds grim, I feel, and I don't ever want it to sound grim, but I don't know if the grief ever leaves you.
[00:26:43] Um, it just gets folded in. Like, imagine like a little piece of butter in a croissant. It just gets folded in and folded in. And you always taste that little bit of buttery. Um, but sometimes it's less and less and less. And, um, But it's still there.
[00:26:59] Teisha Rose: Yeah. And I think that's right. And it's acknowledging that, that it's still there.
[00:27:03] And, you know, I've got, and I'm very open on this podcast because I think it's important to raise awareness, but, you know, I'm flat chested now. You know, I had to go through two single mastectomies and I grieve not having breast. I grieve that, but as then my partner's always like, yeah, but you're still alive.
[00:27:24] Like, he's really good to help me shift my focus, you know, and think, okay, what that means. And then it's even focusing on, you know, what to get excited about that I can do now. Um, and, you know, even being here, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for cancer, I wouldn't have made that decision. So it's still acknowledging that grief, acknowledging, yes, the illness is there, as you said, it's not fair.
[00:27:48] But we are either staying that energy or be prepared to move forward and yeah, get excited about things that might not have happened without it.
[00:27:59] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. And I love that you mentioned about your partner kind of giving you that extra like, well, Hey, but you're alive. And I think it's important having those people.
[00:28:05] Like one thing I always do, I've tried to make it a habit. Um, just cause I know myself. But also I want to make the space for my friends when they say stuff. I'm like, okay, do you want me to like hype you up? Or do you want me to like, do you want me to like be angry with you? Like, do you want me to be sad with you?
[00:28:19] You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, what do you need? Cause like, I can happily give you so many sparkles and so many like exciting things, but if you're needing to like be down in the doldrums for a little bit, like I'm happy to meet you there and we can just like sit and be sad and talk about how it's unfair.
[00:28:34] Um, Um, or we can talk about all the greatness that happens because of it, or we can just like ebb and flow between. So it's also finding a really good community like this, where you can talk about, like you just said, like, you wouldn't be doing these things you're doing now if it wasn't for that stuff.
[00:28:48] And, you know, yeah, you might have no breasts, but you're you are alive. And also, you can still grieve that, too. It's just that constant, like, honoring. And I think that's really what a lot of my work is about, is reminding people that two things can exist at once, right? You can miss things that you no longer want.
[00:29:07] You can grieve things that you know, you know, weren't good for you. You can grieve things even though They got you somewhere really exciting. So it's that two thing, like we don't live in the black and white, right? It's two things can always exist at once or, you know, three, four or five things.
[00:29:22] Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's right.
[00:29:23] And hopefully what this conversation conveys is we have to keep changing our mind. We can't just be in one space all the time thinking the one way we've got to be open to think differently. We need to be dynamic in our mindset, making shifts all the time. So, um, But that makes life interesting and exciting.
[00:29:43] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. And it's also, I think, standing your power about it, right? Like when I do my work with like boundaries and people pleasing, it's not having to make an excuse for yourself to like stand in what you need to be in. Like maybe you're having a really bad day or someone's having a, whether it's, whether it's mentally just, you're not feeling your best or maybe like it is your illness.
[00:30:01] It physically isn't, you are not feeling well, but maybe you committed to something, just being able to stand in the power to be like, Hey, I'm not feeling my best today. Can we please reschedule? Or I just, I really can't do it today. And having that person being like, Oh my gosh, of course, what can I do for you?
[00:30:15] Or, or absolutely like having those times where you get to really stand in your power as someone who sometimes it can feel really daunting because maybe you feel Maybe it might feel like, you know, people, you're always asking for stuff or you need stuff, or maybe you're just worried you're bothering people.
[00:30:32] So for you to stand in that power to be like, Hey, I'm actually holding space for myself and my illness and my sensation, whether it's like just mentally or emotionally, not feeling okay. Or that again, that physical feeling, but really holding the space to be like, no, no, no, I'm going to take care of myself.
[00:30:46] And you, and whether it's. Right when you were first diagnosed, or it's 15 down the road, years down the road, when you're in remission, like you still get to do those things, right? It's not like it just disappears.
[00:30:57] Teisha Rose: Yeah, I love that. And we'll sort of touch on now, people pleasing, because it is. And I'm sure sometimes When you are living with condition, you do, you don't want it to make you different.
[00:31:11] So you think, oh, if everyone else is doing this, I don't want, because of MS, mean that going out to a Christmas function, you know, I know it's going to be really difficult. And the other night I said, Andrew, you go. I said, I just, I don't want to, because it was, not that I was depressed, Pressed or anything and I wanted to get out, but I knew it was going to just be standing around.
[00:31:33] I'd have to sit and not be able to mingle. I find it hard balancing in, you know, a crowd. And it was, it was really hot, which is not good for MS, you know, all these things. And usually I would push myself and I said, no, I said, you go for an hour. Pick me up and we'll go out for dinner. And we did that. And it was a great night.
[00:31:51] You know, so I think, yeah,
[00:31:54] Francesca Budesheim: I love that. And like a lot of people might feel like that's going to be like, you know, if you didn't have such an amazing partner and you had this beautiful relationship and this beautiful support, like some people might, if that was somebody else, maybe they say that and they're like, Oh, well you just never want to go out or like, why are you even inviting her still?
[00:32:12] Teisha never wants to go out. Like, and so it is. Finding that really big group because it like you do, like you said, sometimes it feels like a burden and you know, you're so strong in how you exist, like with your illnesses and things. And it's just so amazing. I'm so glad that your community has you because such a glowing example of how you've really stepped into your power and like owned your illness and not let it, you know, define you, but you get to define it.
[00:32:36] But it's like the people pleasing, like I mentioned, like a lot of that stuff happens. from childhood or could be like a little older adult too, like depending on the relationships we've been in, but it can feel even amplified or you might feel guilty and feel like a burden because like you have to do other things or you might need extra assistance.
[00:32:57] And Also that people pleasing like, Oh no, no, no, I'll go even if, even if I know it's going to not make me feel good or I'll eat that, even though like that actually hurts my stomach and it's not good for my MS and things like that. Or, you know, my IBS or my ulcerative colitis or whatever it might be.
[00:33:11] It's like, you just try to like grate your teeth and bear it just because in the bottom or at the end of the day, we're all worried about, you know, Rejection. We're all worried about acceptance. We're all worried about wanting to fit in and, you know, not being the odd man out. And I think that's what makes it extra difficult.
[00:33:28] I think it's difficult anyway, but that makes it extra difficult when you have something that you can't really necessarily change, right? Like, uh, my, um, future mother in law, she has, is pretty bad. And so she has to just like miss out on opportunities or like, she's always worried like, Oh, well, am I going to bother people if I do this or that or whatever?
[00:33:47] So she's just, you know, a little timid about it sometimes because she's just so nervous that it's going to bring other people down. And, you know, she's, she's learning that that's not the case because that's not how I am or how any of even. When my friends come and they get to meet her, like, you know, they're all lovely and they're like, no, no, no, like all this stuff, but it's it's also, but like I said, it's how do you unlearn it?
[00:34:07] It's you have to one stand in that hour. Like you said, you know, Hey, I'm not going to go. I'm not going to have a good time. Let's go to dinner instead. That's going to fill my cup up. And then you have someone who's like, yes. Awesome. Let's do it. And every time someone with a chronic illness gets to do that, and, you know, it's not always going to be the best response, but that's also a mental note, right?
[00:34:28] If that person doesn't want to hold space for you standing in your power and taking care of yourself, unfortunately, maybe that's something that doesn't move forward. And that's also the hard part about getting over people pleasing is knowing that some relationships do have to end because you have to prioritize yourself, right?
[00:34:43] Teisha Rose: Yeah, 100%. And I mean, I'm saying all of this now. I wasn't like this in my 20s, especially when it came to my work. I was so devastated. I was diagnosed MS at 22, just finished two degrees on a graduate program, big corporation, and it was stopping me. So that whole scenario of only reacting to When I was sick, get fixed, get back to work, you know, because I didn't want to let down my manager.
[00:35:08] I didn't want them to think I wasn't a good worker. So all of that. But when in 2000, I spent months in hospital, unable to move, I was lying there thinking, what am I doing? I put myself in this position, like you say, to please. A large corporation who really doesn't care that much. And then, so my then motto or whatever, you know, my saying was, you know, if I say yes to things, if I'm doing things that aren't right for my health, unaligned to my health, I think, are they going to be in this hospital bed with me?
[00:35:43] Well, no, they'll be getting on with their life and I'll be stuck here. So I just kept thinking, so that's, was my way of changing life, but it took a long time. So if we can fast track that for people, great.
[00:35:56] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah, a hundred percent. And you know, um, it's, I'm glad that you said that. Cause like I was that my whole life, right?
[00:36:03] Like I grew up knowing like, okay, if you achieve, like you will get the attention, you will get the love. Like I could have straight A's and if I had one A minus, like that was what the focus was. So it was like, okay, achieve, achieve. Like Be really good at the sports, be really self sufficient, get the job.
[00:36:18] Like don't ask them for anything. And like, in the end I did the same thing. I was the last person at work. I'd be there all day long and I did love it, but then I just got burnt out. And like, that didn't help when I was. Trying to work on my own trauma and that was causing me to have, my bones would hurt.
[00:36:37] My literal bones would hurt because I was holding on to so much stress and like my pelvis and my low back, my gut was messed up. And I don't even have a chronic illness that was just from my own trauma. So add on like, All that other stuff, like, oh my gosh, we're, we're, we're going to be on the floor.
[00:36:59] That's too much. That's too much for anybody.
[00:37:01] Teisha Rose: Yeah. And even people listening, not with an illness, this is how you stay without an illness. You start doing this because that will stop things, you know, your body saying, no, no more, we can't do this.
[00:37:15] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah. And that's what it is. It's, it's really developing that sense of, I mean, these are kind of those people pleasing tools, right?
[00:37:21] So developing self awareness and how do we do that? I mean, I always tell people like, go touch some grass, babe. Like get, get some grass on your feet, get, go outside, go journal. You know, even if you feel like you, even, even if you're so busy, like, and I know so many new moms and I know so many people with these high powered jobs and I'm like, Don't you take a potty break?
[00:37:45] Like, can you, when you're taking a potty break, can you wash your hands? Can you just Like take a deep breath and just like pause and really look at yourself and be like, how am I today? Like, what am I doing? Like, what do I need? And you know, I'm not a big, I'm, I always want to be a big journaler. I am just truly not, but I love, um, I love voice journaling.
[00:38:09] So I take my iPhone and I just speak, I use the voice to text. And I like to do that. Um, I'll do it when I'm on walks or if I'm just, you know, you know, Getting ready for bed. I'm like, do my face, my skincare and all that. I just kind of talk where I do a voice recording and that's actually what I love too, because as a person who also proclaims she does not have any time, I'm also trying to, you know, talk the talk and walk the walk.
[00:38:33] For those, those of you who aren't good journalers or you don't want to sit down, like I love a little voice note or just like sometimes I'll send myself a quick text too. Um, if that digital age feels a little bit better, You know, just creating a little bit more of that mindfulness around who you are, what you're doing, you know, what happened when you stayed late for work?
[00:38:51] Like, how did you feel when you got home? Like, how did you feel when you had to wake up and do it all again tomorrow? How did it feel when you forced yourself to go to that event? Like, really giving yourself those moments of time to create that awareness and then building from that is what you did, which again, we're not all perfect at it.
[00:39:08] It's that set that small boundary. So it could just be like the no. And, uh, the other day I was talking to somebody and she's like, well, what? I don't know how to just say no. Like, I can't do that yet. I'm too nervous. And one suggestion I have is like, if you're really nervous about saying no, I always like to offer an alternate solution.
[00:39:25] Like, I'll be like, I am totally drained today. Like I'm just not, you know, maybe I'm in a little bit more, the depression is kind of getting me a little bit and I'm just like, Hey, look, I don't think I'm going to be a good friend to you if I show up this way. Can we reschedule for next week? I'm just, I'm going to have a lot less on my plate that week.
[00:39:41] I'm going to be able to have more sleep, take care of myself a little bit more. And then I can fully show up for you and like your, our friendship. And I think that's a good way. If you're kind of nervous about the boundary setting, um, I think no's can be really scary. Now I can say just like, I'll be like, no, thanks.
[00:39:56] That's not for me. Um, yeah, thanks anyway. Thanks for the invite. But if you're ever nervous, I think like giving not an, it's not an excuse. It's just being honest, right? But offering that alternate solution, because we also know sometimes when people are on the receiving end of our boundary, sometimes I think it's about, them and it's not like our boundaries are about us.
[00:40:16] They're not about controlling other people, but they have their own relationship with that too. So I think I kind of like to use it to, and my friends know I do this, but I like to use it as like a little bit of like an educational moment for our friendship to like, Hey, this is actually like, I'm just drained and I don't want to be a bad friend to you.
[00:40:32] And so to hold you at a higher esteem in our friendship, I would like to show up fully. And that's a good way. I think if you're, if you're unsure about saying no, and that's just me. Big example, but I think you can do that in a lot of ways in terms of setting boundaries.
[00:40:46] Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's great. So I think, did we jump into the first one?
[00:40:50] Because I did read about, you've got five strategies or techniques that can help you. Yeah, I just spit right in there. Yeah, yeah. No, that's all right. That's good. But you're talking about five. So was that the first sort of step or can you talk us through those? And then, uh, I can have a link either to the article in the show notes or something.
[00:41:08] Yeah,
[00:41:09] Francesca Budesheim: absolutely. So the first one is going to be setting that self or developing that self awareness. So that's that, that journaling or giving yourself those little times. Like, like I said, I think we have a very precious time between action and reaction, where if you could just train yourself to just
[00:41:28] Like, that can change everything, and I read somewhere, and I might be butchering this, so I don't want it to be, like, don't take it for everything, but I read that, um, emotions actually pass through your body, I want to say in, like, less than 10 seconds, um, and the rest of it, I don't know. Is the, is the glasses we put on to interact with it.
[00:41:50] So when you give yourself that, and I can't remember the exact timing, I'll have to find it and send it your way. But because it's interesting that really changed the way I talk to my clients too. Cause I'm like, Oh yeah, like we do it. We all have our, you know, I have my Francesca colored glasses on and that's the way I'm going to view the world.
[00:42:07] Like I don't, I don't necessarily view things as they are. I view things how I am. Right. And those are the glasses I put on that day. So it's, how do you, how do you know what glasses you put on and can you take them off and put on a different pair? And that's where that breath comes in. That's where the journaling can come in.
[00:42:23] That's where there's just, there's so, there's endless ways to create self awareness. But the first thing is just pause and breathe for a second. And actually, Check in, like, what, how's my body? Like, am I, am I scrunched up? Am I, are my shoulders relaxed? Like, just really quick and easy there. And then that second one is this, the small, the setting, the small boundaries, right?
[00:42:45] Like giving yourself that time to practice. Um, and like I said, I think sometimes. You know, no is a full, is a full sentence. It's a full stop, but that's not going to be everyone's first. Um, uh, first go will not be like that. It'll be like, oh, well, I can't because, um, uh, my dog has to go get her photos taken.
[00:43:04] And like, you're just like, trying to figure out how to get out of the situation, you know? Um, so I think it's like saying, maybe even having your go tos. Like, I think we all can probably pick out a couple people where we. Probably need to set boundaries with, but it's really hard. So I know for me, when I talk to a lot of my clients, we prepped a lot for the holidays and we're still kind of doing it.
[00:43:24] Um, but it's like, you're like, what do I do? And like, people start making comments about what I'm eating or like, and I say something, they don't stop. And I'm like, I mean, that's the time where sometimes you have to remove yourself and that's your small boundary. You. Take as I used to always travel with my dog, um, growing up.
[00:43:40] So when I visited home, like if I, if it got a little, like not so great, I would just be like, Oh, I got to take Jerry on a walk. And so I kind of used her as my little like way to set a boundary when I still was a little too nervous to do it. It just was like a physical boundary, like removing myself from the space, but it helped me build up to actually say like, Hey, I actually don't like it when you speak like that to me, or I don't like it when you comment on what I'm eating, but I kind of built up.
[00:44:03] And at first it was like. Okay, me and Jerry got to go on our walk. Yeah, this little, this little 10 pound dog needs to walk for an hour. Not really, but it gave me that physical, that physical removal. So then I could really calm my nervous system down and be like, okay, now, now I know I can remove myself.
[00:44:21] Okay. So now how do I. If I wanted to stay, right, you can always remove yourself, but how can I actually put commentary to it? Like, no, I don't like that. Do not speak to me that way or else, you know, my boundaries, I will exit the space.
[00:44:34] Teisha Rose: Yeah. Yep.
[00:44:36] Francesca Budesheim: Next one is going to be reframe negative self talk. So
[00:44:40] Teisha Rose: that's a huge one.
[00:44:41] That's a huge,
[00:44:42] Francesca Budesheim: huge one because we are, we are taught, especially like anyone who's identifying as a woman or lives in the world as a woman, we're really taught to like, we're taught to just be doormats. Like, how dare you not, you know, how dare you not put everything aside to help this person or to, to do this or to do that.
[00:45:03] And so I think it's especially crazy for women sometimes. Um, but. We just get this like, I'm selfish.
[00:45:10] Teisha Rose: And
[00:45:10] Francesca Budesheim: I, I've been had friends with chronic illnesses. Like I said, I've had for, I have friends with MS. My, my, um, future mother in law has ulcerative colitis. I have a lot of people in my world with different kind of auto immunes and different things.
[00:45:21] And they all went through something where somebody in the group was like, well, they just never come out because the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like they're this or they're that. And I was like, um, I don't know. I think they're just like sick and they don't feel well. Like, I don't think it's about you, but then they, you know, you know, gets around the bush or through the block or whatever you want to say.
[00:45:39] And they're like, wow, maybe I am selfish. Maybe, maybe I should have gone to their birthday. And it's, you have to remind yourself, you know, like I'm worthy of my own time and energy. I'm worthy of, you know, of the respect to my body. I'm worthy to rest. I'm worthy to exist. And. And I know affirmations don't always work with everyone, but it is a good reminder because sometimes you got to hype yourself up to even set the boundary.
[00:46:08] They're not necessarily in like, the right order, but like being able to be like, okay, I have the right to eat whatever I want, or I have the right to say no. And then it can hype me up and get me excited to actually say that to the person and remove those, remove those, um,
[00:46:23] Teisha Rose: uh,
[00:46:24] Francesca Budesheim: those societal or familial, um, pressures to stop being selfish or because you take care of yourself, that means you're not a good whatever, sister, wife, mother, friend, whatever it is.
[00:46:35] Teisha Rose: Yeah, I love that. And you're right. Sometimes I think, uh, affirmations, but they work, you know, and I'm not doing it all the time, but if you keep saying things, you know, that Yeah, whether it's about your strength or whether it's about, and you know, I think the whole, I am worthy too, you know, because I am worthy.
[00:46:55] So this is about putting me first and that's okay. You know, I'm allowed to put myself first because If I'm not healthy, then I can't do anything , you know? So
[00:47:09] Francesca Budesheim: a hundred percent. And like I love affirmations. I know sometimes they're, they are hard for some people, like, I, I would say I, I felt kind of silly when I first started doing them.
[00:47:17] Yeah, same . But I think when you add them into like a awareness exercise, like when I do my awareness is when I work in my affirmation. So if I'm doing breath work, I might inhale, I am. ExhaleWorthy. Like that kind of stuff. So I kind of put them together. So it becomes a little bit more like a mantra, which I like, um, and kind of blends with like my yoga background as well.
[00:47:39] Teisha Rose: Yeah.
[00:47:40] Francesca Budesheim: The next one is going to be, we kind of already talked about it, but it's practicing assertive communication. So how do you express your needs clearly? Um, And we kind of talked about that and how we actually go around the boundaries, right? It's like, Hey, I appreciate the offer. I just can't do that right now.
[00:47:57] It's trying to really practice clear, concise, best you can. And also to know that, um, I had, I had a, a lawyer tell me they are a lawyer for very, um, contentious divorces. And I was about to have a very difficult conversation with someone. And they said, you know, you have your three talking points and you do not stray, like, cause they're going to try to pull you.
[00:48:17] They're going to try to pull you, pull you, pull you. And so you have your talking point. So it's like, hey, you know what, uh, friend, do you want to go to the party? Hey, you know, actually I can't. I can't tonight, so sorry. I'll probably be at the next one. Well, um, you're going to miss it. It's, you know, Brad's going to be there, and he did this thing for you, and da da da da da.
[00:48:37] Yeah, you know, thank you so much for the invite. I just, I just really can't tonight. I'm just not feeling very well. Yeah, but like, you never come out. Like, Fran, come on. Like, duh, duh, duh. Yeah, you know, like I said, um, I just, I really got to take care of myself. I'm feeling really, um, overwhelmed right now and dah, dah, dah.
[00:48:53] And I don't, like, they're going to try to pull you and guilt you and, and you have three talking points. No, I can't. No, I can't. I don't feel well. Um, no, I can't. I'll see you at the next one. Right. And so that's, that really helped me both. And it actually is helping a lot of business too. And I've had to have hard conversations with people, but also in my own life, and it's really been helpful.
[00:49:12] My clients really, really like that one. Cause they're like, okay, we can practice. So I'll just like, I'll be like, well, well, Um, Teisha, like, what about, what about this? And then they get to practice with me and I can, like, keep trying to bother them and then really help them, like, practice and stand in their boundaries.
[00:49:28] So then it becomes a little bit more natural to them.
[00:49:31] Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's great. That's great.
[00:49:33] Francesca Budesheim: And then the final one, which we've kind of already touched on is seeking that support system. So how do you find people who are also going to be like, yes, I love that you're setting that boundary. Like, I love that. Like I've built this, um, this around me where my friends are like, Oh my God, girl, don't even worry about it.
[00:49:51] You're just coming back from X, Y, Z, or you have this, you have a huge training this weekend. Like we do not expect you to come. We would love to have you, but like, do not even worry about it. And so it's having those people who even offer up your boundary for you, because often we forget, um, and often we can still kind of fall back into our old habits.
[00:50:08] So having a, having people that help connect us with ourselves too, like, Hey Fran, or I noticed that, um. I noticed that, um, you, I don't know, just you, you've been a little fidgety or like, you're not, you don't seem totally there. And then I could, then I could open, open up to me, open up to me that, um, I, I was maybe not doing something that I need to be doing.
[00:50:31] So those support systems can be super, super helpful.
[00:50:34] Teisha Rose: Yeah, that's great. And I think too, as we're saying, the support system, if they are like that, they're so powerful and you can be yourself and you can, and it's then using these boundaries and, you know, these techniques, if you find yourself in a support system, that's not, it's like being very respectful, but exiting, exiting out of that, you know, but you know, it's Yeah.
[00:51:01] Francesca Budesheim: And that's what this too is like, sometimes the people pleasing portion and the boundaries, they, the boundaries and people pleasing, they go together. But sometimes that game is actually, I don't think that person fits in my life anymore. And that's also hard when you're already dealing with other things like the grief and the loss of illness or whatever it is you're going through.
[00:51:19] It's like, Oh, I have this to grieve and now I have this friendship or this support person that I'm losing. And I always try to remind people like, it is not going to be, it's not going to hurt like this forever. It's not going to be like this forever. So that's that good reminder that, you know, when that person leaves, that actually makes space for somebody else who's really excited to support you.
[00:51:39] Teisha Rose: Yeah. Because you're different before an illness is diagnosed. So sometimes That person you were there wasn't promoting good health. You know, I wasn't who I need to be to get through this. So you meet people who are better for my health now. And sometimes people who were in that pre life aren't right for that energy.
[00:52:02] And that's okay. Yeah.
[00:52:03] Francesca Budesheim: And you know what? They were probably great for the time you needed them. They're probably great for whatever moment of life they were in. And now you're filling Your life up with people who are good for what you need now and for like your health and your well being, um, and all of that.
[00:52:16] And I, just so we don't forget, I wanted to round up the ones we talked about because I love to yap. Um, so we love to yap. Um, the first one is develop self awareness.
[00:52:29] Teisha Rose: Yes.
[00:52:30] Francesca Budesheim: Then second is set small boundaries. Reframe negative self talk, practice assertive communication, and seek support systems. And like I said, a few of those kind of can overlap with one another, but those are the big, the big ones, I think.
[00:52:47] Teisha Rose: That's great. I, for each episode, also put together a blog. So I'll write those down on the blog. Um, and put, uh, because I think it's really important whether you're living with a health condition or not. People pleasing is such a hard habit to break or such a way of interacting with the world and to break.
[00:53:07] So yeah, I think it is so important. And it
[00:53:09] Francesca Budesheim: causes exhaustion. It causes burnout, which I know those aren't necessarily, I mean, I think those are illnesses in themselves, but yeah. Add that on to anything else, like, that's not good.
[00:53:20] Teisha Rose: No, and just quickly before we then go, another quick area to talk about is living in alignment, because I'm very much of my health and wellbeing are a priority now, have to be if I'm going to stay well.
[00:53:33] And for me, alignment is everything I do needs to prioritize that. Is that how you see it as well? Yeah,
[00:53:41] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah, I mean, I really think that living in alignment means living within, you know, your morals and your values and honoring your physical and emotional limits. And it's not about being perfect. Like I said, it's not about like never having an up or down.
[00:54:00] Right. Um, but it's about creating. Habits and boundaries that support your well being, but it always comes from like, who do you really want to be? And are you honoring that for me?
[00:54:12] Teisha Rose: Yeah, no, that's good. And it is, however, it's really then letting go, whether it is letting go of people, of habits, of whatever.
[00:54:22] that aren't in that alignment and it makes it a lot easier to do that if you're very clear on what living in alignment is for you.
[00:54:32] Francesca Budesheim: Yeah, and I do want to say quickly that I think we get tripped up when it comes to living in alignment because we think it's going to be really Like we're going to be like, Oh my God.
[00:54:40] Yeah. We're living in alignment. Oh my gosh. Look at us go. It's like this. So peaceful. It's not, it's like I said, it's like the people trying to pull you when they're people pleasing. They are going to like, things are going to try to sparkly. Things are going to be all around you trying to pull your attention out of your alignment.
[00:54:57] So it's, it's hard work. It's not easy making those choices. So I don't want people to feel discouraged when they're like, well, I've been trying and like, All these things keep pulling at me. That's super normal. It takes practice, just like setting a boundary, just like stopping a people pleasing happy look.
[00:55:12] Living in alignment is a very conscious choice that takes a lot of effort and work. So don't be discouraged. Like it, it takes a little bit to get there.
[00:55:21] Teisha Rose: Yeah, absolutely. Well, I could chat for ages, but that is great. I just think it's so interesting, all of these things. And for You know, when you're living with a health condition, this is what we need to be doing.
[00:55:36] We need conversations like this that challenge our thinking, because what we, how we were doing things before. Wasn't working. And we need to challenge how we're thinking about things and implement those things into our life. And I think in particular, people pleasing is there'll be a lot of people listening with an illness.
[00:55:57] I think you're so right. You know, I'm just doing this. I feel selfish if I say no. But I know it's not right for my health at the moment. If I want to, you know, be able to do things later on. So I think you speaking about this gives permission to people to think, okay, I'm not being selfish. I'm honoring myself.
[00:56:17] So thank you. Thank you for that. So how can people connect with you, Francesca? Because I think lots of people will want to. Um, and yeah, as I said, I love the name of your business. So tell us about, yeah, how they can connect.
[00:56:34] Francesca Budesheim: Yes, thank you. I'm so, I've been so pleased. I hope to hear from everyone and I hope it's been a good listening for all of them because it's been great chatting.
[00:56:43] Um, you can find me anywhere all through LowKey Spiritual. So the website is LowKeySpiritual. com. Um, my Instagram is at LowKey Spiritual. Um, and that's where you can kind of find any, everything and anything. Um, I would. First and foremost, get on my newsletter list because then you'll have all the info of all the things I have coming up, including, um, a group that's going to be starting a support group kind of just around people pleasing, around boundaries, around just kind of being a person in the world, truly.
[00:57:14] Um, that'll be happening in February. I have a retreat coming up in October. And then I did also want to mention, I wanted to do a little special offer for all All the listeners. So, um, if they are interested, if you go on the website, you'll see a link to join Low Key Club, which is a self led platform.
[00:57:30] There's yoga classes, there's, um, uh, breath work, uh, meditations, um, some downloadables that kind of help you kind of live in that more aligned way to get there. Um, and it's three months free when you enter the code Wellbeing. And then if anyone wants to take on, um, therapeutic coaching with me, normally it's 12 sessions.
[00:57:51] Um, and I want to offer an additional three sessions to anybody who, if they do sign up, it'll be 15 sessions. So it's a 750 value. And if they just put a Wellbeing Interrupted in the, um, kind of onboarding form, then those will automatically get added for them. So, but there's lots of free content on my social media too.
[00:58:11] So anyway, anyone wants to connect with me is welcome.
[00:58:14] Teisha Rose: Fantastic. So yeah, definitely send me those links because then they can just sit there. Um, on the show nights and in the blog I put together as well, um, because you're a wealth of information. It's been great, great chatting to you and anything before we go that you're excited about?
[00:58:31] I mean, you've said about you're doing a retreat, which is exciting. Anything, um, you know, outside of work, like what's happening in 2025?
[00:58:40] Francesca Budesheim: Gosh, outside of work, what's happening? Oh my goodness. I was like, maybe I'm getting married. I don't know. I mean, I'm engaged and everyone's asking me to get married. And I was like, I don't know, maybe I don't know what we're doing yet.
[00:58:54] Well, that could be a good one. Yeah. So that could be it. But, um, you know, just excited for a, you know, 2024 was a rough one, I think, for a lot of people. I know it was for me. Um, so I'm just excited to start a whole new year, you know, get some new energy, meet some new people, um, yeah, and do all that fun stuff with low key.
[00:59:15] So I'm just, I'm just excited to be alive and, and doing the work I love
[00:59:19] Teisha Rose: truly. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Well, thank you again. I really love this chat.
[00:59:25] Francesca Budesheim: Yes. Thank you so much. And I'll send you all that stuff.
[00:59:28] Teisha Rose: Perfect.
[00:59:34] Okay, so a longer episode, but I went to edit parts out, but I thought, no, I don't want to. There was, there was so much wisdom in there, and I really learned a lot, so hopefully you did as well. In the show notes, I'll put links to the Low Key Club offer, which as Francesca mentioned, is three months free when you purchase a year membership, and you just use the code Wellbeing.
[01:00:00] Also, Francesca offers one on one therapeutic coaching, she's offering this audience three additional sessions. So again, visit LowKeySpiritual. com and all the offers are there. I'll also put everything into the show notes and onto the blog, which I do for each episode. Also, if you're feeling in this Zen space and you want to listen to some more episodes, have a listen to Episode 41.
[01:00:35] I speak to Leisa Kelly. Leisa is someone who I've connected with over the years and is a Reiki Master. So listen to Episode 41. Also, have a listen to Episode 22 and that's where I also talk about how spirituality and My Health Conditions, sort of all into play, I guess, and the significance of Angel number 22.
[01:01:06] So have a listen there as well. Hopefully, um, yeah, hopefully have a great week coming up. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself, and I really look forward to speaking to you next week.
