The last couple of weeks have been tough. Tears were welling in my eyes for no apparent reason. Simply scrolling through reels on my phone could set me off. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional rollercoaster. Yet on reflection, it is not surprising.

As I share my story, I’m sure you’ll start reflecting on your feelings and experiences when diagnosed with your illness. You might also relate to my experience of trying to cope with your diagnosis anniversary. Or perhaps you are dreading this milestone in the future.

Feel all of the feels. Don’t be afraid to reflect on your emotions.

But then keep reading. As it is through the darkness that the most important lessons are unearthed.  I want to share the strategies I will rely on when the anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis or other significant events next happen.

The fear and anxiety of a diagnosis

Living through an anniversary can trigger feelings of fear and anxiety experienced when diagnosed.

The reality is that I shouldn’t be surprised by the emotional rollercoaster over the past couple of weeks. This time only 12 months ago, my world was thrown into darkness—the intensity of emotions I had never experienced before.

Having received the news that a tumour in my breast was cancer, two weeks later, I was told it had metastasised. Terminal. Advanced. Stage 4 breast cancer (goes by lots of names!)

As much as I’ve tried not to relive my breast cancer diagnosis one year ago, I find myself unexpectedly reliving the different experiences over the past couple of weeks. Here are the major ones:

• The phone call from the surgeon. She was genuinely upset, apologising that my mastectomy had to be cancelled. The PET scan results were in, and cancerous activity had been detected in my liver and sternum. As soon as I hit the end button, I gasped for air. The feeling of terror took my breath away.
• The distress of waiting four days to see an oncologist. My body shook as I read up on Stage 4 breast cancer and the 5-year survival rate. I could only sleep at night if Andrew (my partner) placed his hand on the top of my head. My world was spinning.
• Then, a jarring conversation with my local doctor. I was confused as to why my mastectomy was cancelled and not rescheduled. She sensitively explained, “There is no point. Surgery was to cure Stage 2 cancer. Now the cancer has spread, there is no cure. The focus is now on disease management”. I felt numb.

The sadness and grief of a diagnosis.

Being told you have a life-changing illness is an emotional time for everyone close to you.  I keep reflecting on how sad we all were. Andrew, my family and friends. It’s devastating.

I called my brother as we drove home from the doctor’s after the initial diagnosis. Andrew was driving, and tears were streaming down his face. And I could hardly get the words out, “It’s breast cancer”. We were all in shock.

Or a couple of weeks later, going around to my parents. As we knocked on the door, they knew something was wrong. I was meant to be self-isolating for surgery. But as I was to share with them, the cancer had spread. The distress on their faces still haunts me as I write this blog. Here come my tears again!

There is also the grief I’ve experienced personally. A sense of loss as to life changing forever. I will never be without MS or cancer. It can be non-active or in remission, but with no cure, its presence is forever there.

MS has taken my mobility. My ability to freely move without hesitation or thinking. Cancer has taken away my security. Living through my 40s, 50s and beyond is no longer a given. Stage 4 robbed me of that.

It’s sad. It’s unfair. But it is what it is. It’s my life now. But the harshness of this reality has surfaced over the last couple of weeks. Little wonder I’m a bit emotional.

As I mentioned, you learn and grow during these dark moments. And while reflecting, I’ve discovered ways to help you cope with the anniversary of your diagnosis or other significant events that trigger the emotions.

Five Ways to Cope with the Anniversary of Your Life-Changing Diagnosis

Acknowledge your emotions.

It’s a given. You’ll experience a range of emotions on the anniversary of your diagnosis. Reliving the fear and anxiety of receiving your results. Or the sadness and grief experienced during this time. As I always say, feel the feels. You’re allowed to. You’ve been through so much.

Write about your feelings.

You may be into journaling already. Otherwise, get a blank piece of paper and start writing down how you are feeling during the time of your anniversary. You may even reflect on your diagnosis, what happened and how you felt. Journalling is such a healthy outlet for your emotions. 

Practice self-care.

Self-care is an essential part of living well with chronic illness. Not only will it help you cope with the stress of medical tests. But during an anniversary, you can use the techniques that allow you to relax. It may be exercising, meditating, reading a book, sitting outside and practising mindfulness.

Plan a positive activity.

If you are dreading the actual day, do something that you enjoy. It will help you to shift the focus and put a smile on your face. A favourite café for brunch. Catching up with a friend for a chat. Shopping and buying that new top you’ve been wanting. Anything that makes you feel good about yourself.

Seek professional support.

You don’t need to navigate through the challenges of chronic illness alone. If you are struggling, and all of the above tips seem too hard, seek professional help. You may already be seeing a therapist or counsellor. Make an appointment. If not, now is the perfect time to connect with someone. You’ll have lots to talk about.

The bad news is that anniversaries will keep coming up. It may be your diagnosis. Or other significant events you’ve experienced in living with your illness.

I know that next time, I will be more prepared for the feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, and grief that were so intense over the past couple of weeks.

To cope with your diagnosis anniversary

Let’s summarise these key points:

• Acknowledge your emotions.

• Write about your feelings.

• Practice self-care.

• Plan a positive activity.

• Seek professional support.

As always, you can impact your experience living with chronic illness.