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Recently, I was taken aback when I heard someone thought I was just in denial about what was going on with my health. As someone living with multiple sclerosis and stage 4 breast cancer, it's crucial to understand the nuances of denial, acceptance, and hope. These concepts are not just relevant to my life but resonate with anyone facing serious health challenges. 

Understanding Denial in Chronic Illness  

Denial, as defined by  Psychology Today, is a defense mechanism where individuals refuse to accept reality, often ignoring painful truths like symptoms or necessary treatments. Contrary to this, my approach has been proactive—actively engaging with my medical team and addressing my health conditions head-on. This ensures my decisions are informed and intentional, not based on avoidance. 

The True Meaning of Acceptance 

I am not in denial because I fully accept my current situation. Acceptance means acknowledging the reality of one's conditions, as I have with my stage 4 breast cancer. Making informed decisions, such as undergoing necessary surgeries, showcases this acceptance. It's about managing my health proactively, not passively resigning to my fate. 

Embracing Hope Alongside Acceptance  

Hope and acceptance coexist harmoniously in managing health conditions. Hope is not about ignoring the difficult aspects of illness but maintaining a positive outlook and acknowledging that you can have an impact on future experiences. I don’t dwell on the the statistics relating to survival rates for stage 4 cancer. Instead I focus on the present, controlling what I can now. This outlook encourages proactive management of one's health, focusing on potential positive outcomes and quality of life. 

Influence of Hope on Action  

Hope drives active engagement in treatment and lifestyle adaptations. It encourages not just survival but thriving, pushing those with chronic conditions to participate actively in their health management. Understanding that a positive outlook is a part of active health management is crucial—it's about engaging in treatment and planning for future possibilities. 

Conclusion: Empowerment through Acceptance and Hope  

Acceptance and hope empower us to face our conditions with realism and optimism. By accepting our health as it is, we can look forward with hope and confidence, engaging in life fully and proactively managing whatever challenges come our way. 

Transcript of Episode 30: Why I Am Not in Denial About My Health Condition

[00:00:00] Teisha: Hey there, Teisha here, and welcome to Episode 30 of Wellbeing Interrupted. Hope you've all had a good week. I've had a really good week, actually, and I'm sitting again, still in our caravan, and it's a fantastic day, freezing cold morning, and I just realised I have to turn the heater off because it makes too much noise. 

[00:00:24] But there's a frost over the paddocks, but that means it's going to be an absolute beautiful, beautiful day. I was about to say a cracker of a day, as Andrew would say. Um, so yeah, and I'm doing a bit of a different episode today. The title is, I am not in denial and here's why. And I guess I'm loving having this podcast platform. 

[00:00:55] Not only do I get to close the door and talk to myself and also talk [00:01:00] to some amazing guests. I was taken back a little bit during the week when I heard someone thought that I was just in denial about what was going on with my health andit got me thinking, you know, I don't want people to think I'm in denial, because I'm not. 

[00:01:25] And I was thinking, well, why aren't I in denial? So I really unpacked that. And I had such a great interview with Leah last week, so Episode 29. Meet Leah Alstin. Leah is such a gorgeous person. She lives with FA, a neuromuscular condition, and she talked about how her concept of hope is very similar to mine. 

[00:01:54] We accept the now, but we do not give up hope for the future. And so [00:02:00] today I want to go further with that conversation. And I really want to explore the differences between denial, acceptance and hope. And as I share this, I'll always maintain that hope is not the same as being in denial. And I believe in hope so much that I call my business Hurdle2Hope®️, um, and I have the Hurdle2Hope®️ Roadmap so I won't talk too much more. 

[00:02:31] But let's find out why I'm not in denial. 

Wellbeing Interrupted Intro 

[00:02:38] Welcome to Wellbeing Interrupted, the podcast dedicated to exploring the transformative power of a healing mindset. I'm Teisha Rose, your host. and the founder of Hurdle2Hope. If you're on a quest to not just survive but thrive after a life-changing diagnosis, then you're definitely in the [00:03:00] right place. 

[00:03:01] Living with MS and now stage 4 breast cancer has taught me a vital lesson. In the face of a life-changing illness, our mindset is everything. Each week I'll share insights, tips and strategies to help you build a happier, healthier, So let's begin your journey from hurdle to hope starting right now.  

DENIAL. HOPE. ACCEPTANCE 

Just because I am not in denial does not mean I don't accept my current situation. [00:03:39] And accepting my current situation definitely doesn't mean I've given up hope for the future. Confused. And this is what I was jotting down on a piece of paper, trying to get it straight in my head. And so don't worry if you're confused because [00:04:00] that's what this episode is all about, is trying to make it clear, you know, what is the difference between accepting or Acceptance, Hope and Denial.  

DENIAL 

I did a bit of a Google search and hopped on to Psychology Today, because I wanted to find out sort of what a definition of denial is, because if I'm going to say I'm not in denial, I thought I better check what the definition is. So denial is a psychological defense mechanism where we refuse to acknowledge painful or uncomfortable facts. 

[00:04:44] So psychology today describes denial as a refusal to accept reality. So you're blocking out external events from awareness. Some of the examples in relation to [00:05:00] health are ignoring symptoms, avoiding medical advice, and justifying unhealthy behaviours. So just based on that, I'm thinking, okay, we're on the right path. 

[00:05:14] I'm not in denial. I certainly don't ignore my symptoms. You know, if I had, I've ignored that lump in my breast, I wouldn't have made an appointment to see a doctor the next morning. I wouldn't have had all my scans. I wouldn't have found out I had breast cancer. I've taken the medical advice of everyone I've spoken to, but I'm not taking advice without it feeling right. 

[00:05:44] So I'm not just blindly taking advice either. I'm definitely connecting. With people who I trust, and I think that's so important in the medical world. I've got such trust of [00:06:00] my neurologist, my oncologist, my surgeon, that I do take their advice because I trust them. Yeah, so in terms of that, I'm definitely not in denial. 

[00:06:16] But I think sometimes people may think I am in denial because I don't go around saying I have a terminal illness. I don't say that. You know, I don't say I live with an incurable disease. I don't spend time researching statistics, trying to work out what my lifespan will be. But for me, that's not being in denial. 

[00:06:49] For me, I don't want to give energy and I don't want to constantly be saying I am terminal. You know, I, I [00:07:00] don't like even saying that on the podcast, so I won't. Because I don't want to embody that. I don't want to keep saying I'm incurable. You know, I have this disease which will never be cured. I don't want to say that. 

[00:07:16] And for me, that's not denial. It's choosing where to put my thoughts and energy. And I know other people living with You know, the same condition might be thinking, well, you know what's coming, you know, and I know some think, well, what's the point of doing anything? We know that we're going to die with stage four breast cancer. 

[00:07:46] The statistics say, you know, you'll be lucky to make it past five years. And I could be thinking, oh gosh, I'm already at what, two and a half? So that's a bit scary. But I don't keep thinking [00:08:00] about that. And again, this is not to minimise other people's approaches to stage 4 breast cancer. Fortunately, my tumour is definitely not as aggressive as some people's. 

[00:08:15] So their situation might be completely different to mine. But this is how I process it. And this is me sharing why. If you're thinking, as I do all of these things on podcasts and you see me on Instagram and you see me, you know, really embracing and happy in my life, I don't want you to be thinking that I am in denial. 

[00:08:43] And I'm now clear that I'm not in denial. as I'm not using it as a defense mechanism. I'm not refusing to acknowledge my reality. So I am taking on advice, [00:09:00] but I will do everything in my power to live well. And for me, that's included exploring energy healing, but that isn't a defense mechanism. I'm not denying I have cancer. 

[00:09:19] I'm not, um, you know, turning my back on the medical world, but I am following my intuition and I'm exploring other avenues to wellness, because when you explore other avenues, you're reminded. that you can have an impact on your situation. You know, exploring these different approaches and thinking about cancer differently is not minimizing the seriousness of my situation. 

[00:09:57] I get it. I have stage four breast [00:10:00] cancer. There's no, cancerous cells in my body. I know that they could come back at any time. I've been told that. You know, I've been told because you've got stage four cancer, it means there's never a cure. You're reminded of that constantly. But I love my oncologist's approach. 

[00:10:19] She said, yeah, there's no cure, but we've got it very tightly controlled, and she's really positive about my outlook, which is great. But I just don't want to take away the power I have on my situation. I don't want to feel like I'm at the mercy of cancer. And that is when all the power goes from you. And that power often comes back when you do alternate, I don't even like calling it alternate therapies, you know, when you explore different ways of approaching cancer.[00:11:00]  

[00:11:01] And I'll probably chat about this another time, but there's an incredible book out there, and I'll put it in the show notes, and it's called Radical Remission. And it's done by someone who has a doctorate, Kelly Turner. She's an oncology researcher, I think. Um, but basically, she travelled the world to find out what the common factors were For people living with cancer who are in remission, in remission, sometimes when they were told to pack their bags and they've only got a few weeks to live. 

[00:11:38] So exploring things like Kelly Turner's work. is not a defensive mechanism. It's not being in denial. It's opening your mind to new ways of thinking about your illness. 

ACCEPTANCE 

[00:11:58] If I'm not in [00:12:00] denial, does that mean I don't accept my situation? No. For me, acceptance means acknowledging the reality of your situation. And hands up, I do that. You know, I accept that I have stage 4 breast cancer and it would be a pretty stupid decision on my behalf to go through two single mastectomies if I didn't accept this reality. 

[00:12:33] And I truly believe, like Andrew said to me the other night, he said if you didn't have that surgery, he said, I'm sure you wouldn't be here still. And he's like, who cares if you don't have boobs, you're alive. And I would have risked my life if I didn't go through those operations, as brutal as they are, because I [00:13:00] accept the absolute seriousness of what I have. 

[00:13:06] So, yeah. I'm not in denial, but I definitely accept my situation. And I think the benefit of having dealt with MS for over half my life, um, is that I made this distinction really clearly. I used to sort of smile a little bit in hospital when I was dealing with MS relapses because sometimes I know, you know, [00:13:39] the nurses or the doctors, not my neurologist, but other doctors, um, doing the rounds, they thought that I wasn't accepting the seriousness of MS. And I smiled because I thought I'm lying in a hospital bed, unable to even wriggle my toes. You know, I need [00:14:00] help showering, bathing. I, I accept I'm not in a good position right now. 

[00:14:07] But that acceptance doesn't mean that I'm going to take on board what you think my future will be. So that acceptance of the now is so important. And as with breast, as I did, sorry, with MS, I'm now doing with breast cancer because I know acceptance means actively managing your health. Following medical advice. 

[00:14:35] For me, working with physios, um, exploring different wellness practices. I accept where I am and the most important thing to take from that is accept it. But, become actively involved. That's what I loved about my discussion with Leah. She does so much in [00:15:00] relation to FA. Her diary's full. Going to the gym, osteo, if you look at Leah's, um, Instagram page, @being_leah, um, if you haven't followed from last week, she does so much to keep well and she shared a post this week and even things like, um, listening to different sound frequencies, which I've been told about and I was thinking, oh, I need to try that as well. 

[00:15:26] So there's all these things that we can actively do to be involved in our situation. If we accept the now, know that we're not in a good spot. We need to get better and we can then actively manage what's happening. 

[00:15:47] So I'm definitely not in denial. I'm comfortable with that. Hopefully you are as well. I'm not using any defensive mechanisms to not accept where I am. And [00:16:00] if I'm not in denial and if I accept the now, does that mean having hope for my future means I am now in denial? No. You know, and that's where I think people slip up. 

[00:16:17] You know, if you're looking from the outside and you see me really loving my life at the moment, that doesn't mean that I haven't accepted the impact and reality of having stage 4 breast cancer and MS. It doesn't mean I'm in denial about the seriousness of my illnesses. But, I have hope, and hope for me is maintaining a positive outlook for my future, and really believing that despite all the all of the challenges, obviously, that lay ahead of [00:17:00] me, I can have an impact on those experiences. 

[00:17:06] And that's why I want everyone to have hope in their life. Because hope creates momentum, encourages us to be active or proactive, sorry, in our response. Because if I thought I can't have any impact on stage 4 breast cancer, What's the point? I'm going to die anyway. Look at the statistics. If I believe that, if I give energy to that, then I won't explore new treatments. 

[00:17:40] I won't maintain a healthy lifestyle. I won't work on my emotional and mental wellbeing, and then where it, I believe, falls down is I won't focus on future possibilities, [00:18:00] and if you've listened to Episode 14, and I've remembered that one off by heart because quite a few people have and it's created a bit of discussion. 

[00:18:15] But if you've listened to Episode 14, I talk about manifestation. And with that, I'm not saying I'm manifesting a cure. I'm not saying that. But what I'm saying is start creating momentum and start feeling the energy of things that you're excited about. That's what we did with this, you know, 100 acres of land. 

[00:18:42] We just started getting excited about it. So during the time I was dealing with the seriousness, the scariness of my, cancer diagnosis, we were also going for drives. We were also looking at [00:19:00] blocks and thinking, wow, imagine if we could afford something like this, or imagine if that could be part of our future. 

[00:19:08] And then it happened. And at that time, I had no idea how we could ever make this move, but we have. And this is the place for me to heal. I know it. And what that healing is, or what the end result of that healing is, I'm not sure, but for the moment, I'm so at peace and that's got to be good for my cancer and that's got to be good for hopefully my cancer not coming back. 

[00:19:40] But I also know if it does come back, that doesn't mean my hope for the future was futile. Not at all. You know, if it comes back, I'm still in a better frame of mind to deal with that. I'm not [00:20:00] filled with stress, anxiety, fear, because I'm feeling very chilled at our new block. So, I really don't want, I guess two things, I don't want if you're listening to this as someone living with a health condition, I want to say to you, Don't give up hope. 

[00:20:29] You know. Hope is your friend. Hope will help you to get out of the dark times, and hope does not mean you are in denial. Hope does not mean you are not accepting your situation or your illness, but hope means you'll become proactive on this journey and hope means that whatever comes. that you will be able to have an impact on that experience.[00:21:00]  

[00:21:01] And then, in relation to hope, if you're close to someone or know someone who's living with a health condition, if you're working with clients who have health conditions, because they're being positive about their outlook, that's a good thing. You know, that means they're looking at new possibilities. That means they want to be more active on whatever they're doing. 

[00:21:34] You know, that means they want to participate in their life more, that they haven't given up hope. You know, they've gone from being a passive participant in their life to being so much more proactive. So don't worry yourself that if someone is hopeful about the future, don't just assume or worry [00:22:00] that they're in denial. 

[00:22:02] Or, they don't know how serious it is because that's not the situation. So it's your job to encourage that hope for the future. 

CLOSING COMMENTS 

[00:22:20] Okay, sorry, I'm sitting here talking a lot, but I just think this is so important to distinguish between denial, acceptance and hope. And to really say as well that acceptance and hope they can coexist and they're crucial in managing a chronic illness or health condition, a disease, a disability, whatever it is. 

[00:22:49] You know, acceptance and hope can coexist. You can accept your current situation [00:23:00] and it's really important to do that. I'm sure I'd be dead if I didn't accept that I had breast cancer and if I didn't jump on that really quickly. Next morning, I went to the doctor to find out what was going on. But, because you accept your current situation, that doesn't mean you're giving up hope for the future. 

[00:23:28] But, having hope for the future doesn't mean you're in denial. And that is so important for all of us to remember, that we can still have hope for our future. And again, have a listen to Episode 29 with Leah, and that's what Leah talked about. You know, I accept that I have FA now, and there's no cure for FA now.[00:24:00]  

[00:24:00] But that doesn't give me reason to not hope for a different future. And medically, she talked about, hey, if there's no cure, That's okay. There's been so much research being done. They might help me manage my symptoms better. Great. We also talk about, both of us, um, if we accept our conditions now, let's do everything we can control about the now. 

[00:24:28] Let's get excited about our future or, hey, you don't have to get excited, but just look ahead, you know, and look ahead thinking and trying to, you know, Um, get that feeling that there's going to be some positives in the future and remind yourself that if you are hopeful for the future, it doesn't mean you're in denial. 

[00:24:54] You've accepted the now, you're hopeful for the future, and that's what living well [00:25:00] and embracing life is all about. So I'll leave that to you. There, um, but I thought it was so important and I really hope it helps some people. I hope it helps you if you're living with a condition. I hope you know that I get it, you know, that I get this. 

[00:25:25] How hard it is, but I get also that if we do have hope in our life, then it does make it that little bit easier. And as I said, if you're listening to this and someone in your family is going through something, and I should say, I'm not referring to my family. My family have been amazing through all of this. 

[00:25:48] They support my hope for the future. Um, but yeah, if a family member of yours is going through something and you're [00:26:00] worried that they're in denial, if you're a friend of someone, you're worried about them thinking, Hey, I don't think they know the serious of seriousness of this. If they've accepted the now, then you know that their behaviour, it might more be about hope, you know, it might be that they want to be proactive about their now, and they want to have hope for the future. [00:26:31] So support that.  

And as always, do go back and listen to some episodes, 29 if you haven't. Listen to Leah's amazing, beautiful story. Listen to episode 14 on manifestation. Also, if you're in sort of the, the spiritual mood, listen to episode 22, because that I [00:27:00] share about, uh, Yeah, I, should I give a spoiler alert? 

[00:27:05] I share about Angel number 22. You might roll your eyes at that, I'm not sure, but if you're curious, listen to that, because things that happened in relation to the number 22, that is why I have hope for the future, because it reinforces we don't know everything that's going on, you know, so we can't predict exactly what our future will be. 

[00:27:33] Have a great week. Otherwise, thank you as well. There's been some really great responses in relation to my latest sort of episodes on Wellbeing Interrupted. If you're new to this podcast, please follow it on your favourite platform, Apple, Spotify, everywhere, Follow it, and then you'll get the updated episodes every Thursday. 

[00:27:58] Well, Thursday in [00:28:00] Australia, Wednesday other parts of the world. Have a good week. Chat soon.  

WELLBEING INTERRUPTED OUTRO 

Thank you so much for joining me today on Wellbeing Interrupted. If today's episode inspired you, or you think it could help others, please share it by tagging at Hurdle2Hope in your Instagram stories or just by telling a friend about it. 

[00:28:24] To spread our message of healing and hope to those who need it most, your ratings and reviews are invaluable. By taking a moment to rate and review on your listening platform, you help us attract inspiring guests. and create content that empowers all of us to thrive. Don't forget to follow me on at Hurdle2Hope for more insights. 

[00:28:49] I'd love to see you there. Always remember to thrive after a life changing diagnosis. Your mindset is [00:29:00] everything.